Some of my Journey

Being chronically ill is demanding in many ways physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Countless emotions invade along with the pain. I never expected to grieve or to go through any of the other stages (denial, isolation, anger, crisis, depression, and renewal). I figured my life would go back to normal once I received the correct diagnosis and began a medication. Of course that is not what happened. Getting diagnosed was a difficult road, but it was not the hardest one. I thought I hit rock bottom with my health about two years ago. Unfortunately that low point was not rock bottom.

It has been a year and a half sense my official diagnosis of Systemic Lupus Erythematosus. Having an official diagnosis was a joyful thing for me and a relief. Shortly after I graduated high school then excitedly headed off to college three hours away from home. I had no doubts about the school I had chosen to attend. However, God had a different plan for my college journey. I battled pleurisy, which was a blessing because I began Prednisone. A few days after Thanksgiving, with only a little over a week left of the semester I had bloody urine. I later found out that it was caused by a kidney infection which lasted four months. The kidney infection was accompanied by stones for nine months. I thought I was beginning to stabilize. Then I had my infusion for Osteoporosis. Now I might have POTS, might need a biopsy, and my flare is anything but under control.

Most people enjoy thinking about their future. People my age dream about getting married, having children, their dream job, and traveling. Currently my future is so unclear. I cannot even think about a week from now, I never know how I am going to feel. Thinking about the future is scary at this point in time. Many questions cross my mind that I do not have answers to. Like how am I going to be able to take care of myself and live alone? How will I handle a major flare up on my own with a full time job?
With a chronic illness you realize how fragile life is. I have learned to cherish every moment I am with friends (which isn’t often), that I get to go to church, that I can walk, and I even cherish the times I am able to go food shopping. My memory has fade therefore pictures have taken on a new meaning to me. My perspective of life has changed drastically with being ill. With every struggle I see blessings. I am blessed in ways that I don’t always acknowledge.
This post is a bit all over the place. I guess I want my spoonie friends to know that you are not alone in the hardships of chronic illness. Over the past few months I have been very stable emotionally and doing well with taking things one moment at a time. However, today I feel overwhelmed. Coping is difficult. Living with a chronic illness is difficult, don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. You will have great days emotionally and physically and you will have terrible days emotionally and physically. Bad days don’t mean you are weak, those days just mean you are human.

I pray that you would have comfort, peace, and strength for the days when the pain is too much to bare. For the days when your emotions run wild and you find yourself completely overwhelmed. I pray that your days would be pain free, beautiful, and over flowing with spoons. You are not alone. You have everything you need to get through another day. It will be okay.

Sending prayers, spoons, and hugs,

Victoria

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Author: Victoria

Welcome, it is an honor you dropped by. I am Victoria. A twenty-something-year-old battling multiple chronic illnesses while learning how to thrive. Chronically Hopeful was designed to educate others and to provide support to those who are chronically ill. Proving encouragement to others is essential to me. I share my health on here. My major illnesses are Lupus, Hyperadrenergic Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, EDS, Mast Cell, Endo, and Ulcerative Colitis. I want to share my story with you hoping you will experience support; that someone else understands your pain, struggles, and frustrations. God has chosen not to heal me but to hold me. The more intense the pain the closer his embrace”. My faith, as a Christian has sustained me through the stormy waters of the past few chapters of my life. I desire to grow closer to God and lead others closer to Him. I help lead two online women’s Bible studies. I also post devotionals. I am pursuing my bachelor’s degree through Liberty University’s online program. Despite my illnesses, I have thrived in school. I am a member of Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society, Psi Chi the International Honor Society, and Tau Sigma Honor Society. Abby is my service dog in training. I also have three cats Gracey, Fluffy, and Sadie Rose. I am looking forward to hearing your precious story. Sending hugs, prayers, and spoons. Have an amazing day!

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