The world doesn’t pause when your chronically ill. This truth hits too hard, too soon. A chronic illness soon becomes yesterdays news. People don’t understand that chronic is just that, it is chronic. It doesn’t take a vacation (though that would be great). It is something that we deal with every second of every day of every week of every month of every year. Symptoms may vary, we might have good days, but it is something we need to always be mindful of. People get frustrated that you aren’t getting better. Frustrated that you cancel plans. Frustrated that you can’t do the things you use to do. Slowly one by one the friendships fade. They don’t want to deal with being friends with someone who is sick. The promises that they would always be by your side has been shred.
The world continues forward full speed ahead. It didn’t pause when I stepped into the OR, the doctors office, or went for testing. This fact is plain as day. Yet sometimes it hits me in the face like a two by four. And the tears stream out wildly. The realization sets in of the events that I missed. Those events that everyone makes a big deal out of and you obsessively ponder moment after moment. Sure the events themselves might not be so glamours but the thoughts of them and preparing for them are. Such as prom. The remainder of my examples fail to meet the expatiation of a typical American my age, like a mission trip to Africa (Or any where else for that matter), spending the day at the beach, or going on a retreat. Yes, I am aware there is no correlation between these events other then I feel like I missed out on them to some extent.
Losing friends is an aspect of being chronically ill. Life isn’t like a movie where everyone is super supportive, helpful, and understanding. I never expected that many of mine would desert me. It leaves me utterly heartbroken, but I do understand to an extent. They have their lives, they are moving forward and embarking on new adventures. I am geniuenly happy for them.
That though is not my reality. I am still fighting for my life. It can be discouraging and frustrating for me to watch via Facebook my friends or acquaintances living life doing the things my heart desperately longs to do. It has been especially difficult to see people I know out there serving on the missions field. God has blessed me with a heart for missions. However His calling was not what I had expected. He has called me to serve in microscopic ways currently from my room or the urgent care bed. To run a Facebook page a simply encourage people. I know in my heart I am where God called me to be, but it is difficult at times. There can be discomfort in every season of life which is why it is essential to wait on the Lord and remember this is only a season which will gently come to an end.
God has used my chronic illnesses as a tool to shape me into the person who he crafted me to be. Some people don’t like the fact that I have changed, but the truth is we all grow and change regularly. Many do not understand the daily struggles of chronic illness. A good day now looks nothing like a good day two years ago, though I hope my good days will improve.
Coping with the world racing forward, as we are stuck in this spoonie world is a challenge. Like all aspects of spoonie life, we adjust and we learn to thrive despite the set backs and pain. One thing that has helped me adjust to the spoonie world is connecting with other spoonies. There are many online resources such as Facebook pages, private Facebook groups, YouTube Channels, and blogs. Talking to other spoonies helped me find my new spoonie normal. For more tips on coping with chronic illness check out my blog post :https://chronicallyhopeful2014.wordpress.com/2015/01/12/coping-part-two/
Share in the comments your experience with the world moving forward while you are stuck in the spoonie world.