*I just wanted to leave a quick note at the beginning of this post. I will be sharing some obstacles that I have encountered lately. I am not doing this for pity, attention, or anything along those lines. I attempt to be transparent with you so that you know that you are not alone. My hope is that my story can provide inspiration, comfort, and support as well as raise awareness for chronic illnesses. With that being said, I will jump right into this post, hope you enjoy.
I have been MIA from wordpress for a while. I have not had the spoons to write but I wanted to blog. There’s never a dull moment when living the spoonie life. For those of you who do not follow my Facebook page, Chronically hopeful, about two weeks ago I had a bazaar syncope episode. The day it started out unusual, but I brushed it off. Nearly out of spoons at only 11 am I reluctantly retreated to the living room to watch television. I struggle with really resting. It is difficult for me to remain in one position for a long period of time (and by a long period of time I mean more then 5 minutes). In between watching television I made lunch and took my medication
One minute I was seated once again in the living room, the next I’m on the floor a good ten feet from the chair with tears streaming down my face. Laying on the floor I realized that I had passed out. I had collapsed with zero warning signs. I have passed out at least a dozen times before (Like every other POSTIE patience). I can recall what unfolds before I black perfectly each episode. I can tell you till this day what happened the moments leading up to the first time I passed out at age nine. For me not remembering was a red flag. I have passed out so many times I often joke that I am an expert. Normally my vision begins to go then my hearing.
The weather was less then ideal which forced us to go to the nearest ER. I have an extensive negative history with this hospital. The majority of the people do not do there correctly. They never take me seriously. When I was in high school my school sent me there because they believed I was having a heart attack. I had a three hour wait to be checked in.
The hospital has switched management. I was hoping that it had improved however that was not the case. Again no one took me seriously. Only one person was considered who didn’t have the authority to assist me.
All of my doctors were informed about the episode and found it bazaar just as I did. The impact of my fall aggravated a few things. I have had an increase in migraines and have began experiencing numbness on the right side of my body. In addition I have had memory issues, trouble focusing, and extra fatigue. I have a few doctors appointments coming up. I am wearing a heart monitor once again just to rule out any additional heart problems and potentially to rule out POTS being the cause of that episode. (I will do a review on the monitor. It is a different one then the one I had in the fall.)
In a way my condition is stabilizing in the sense that I am not encountering additional symptoms daily. Though everyday is packed with various obstacles. It has been extremely difficult for me to stay on top of my school work. I am use to going ahead with my work, right now I’m barely keeping my head above water. Every assignment takes three times as long as I am use to. Occasionally I have difficulty comprehending what I have read. Needless to say this has been frustrating for me.
I try my best not to focus on the things I do not accomplish or the negatives, though I’ll admit there are many times I fail at this. For now I am taking everything one day at a time, one assignment at a time, one moment at a time. I know this is temporary. I also know being frustrated is normal. I have learned to that it is okay to feel anyway emotionally that I need to at any given moment. I just can not stay in a negative mind set or allow myself to act negatively because of my negative emotions.
If you have several chronic illnesses you know when one illness flares, every illness flares. My Lupus is throwing a fit because I am due for my Benlysta soon. My stomach is still misbehaving as well. Hopefully I can get everyone to calm down and behave soon… or maybe they can all go on vacation lol.
How have you been doing? Comment below and let me know, I love hearing from you. Please subscribe to get blog updates! Later this month I will be doing several posts which I am excited about including: Endometriosis Awareness, Paw Prints on My Heart, and a College post. Sending lots of spoons, prayers, and hugs ❤