Returning home from the hospital is a breath of fresh air, however it comes with countless diverse challenges. I tend to forget that being in the hospital demands a lot from my body. Though I feel as though all I did was rest, it is actually the conservatoire. The dehydration and lack of nutrition take a toll on the body. Not to mention daily blood work, new medications, antibiotics, cat-scans, and additional testing. Despite the weakness, towards the end of my stay at the hospital I attempted to walk up and down the hall a few times a day. My strength is still oceans away.
Being admitted to the hospital has drained all of my strength. My to do list swarms my cluttered mind. I desperately want to go back to ‘normal’, but I know if I push too hard too fast my body will not forgive me. Regaining some sort of balance and normalcy is a moment by movement struggle. It is hard to determine if I am pushing myself too hard or not hard enough. #Spoonie Life Struggles
Of course, it is the end of the semester. Therefore losing ten days is drastic. I am usual complete my school work weeks ahead of time. I hate having assignments hanging over my head. Being behind in school work is a nightmare for me.
After leaving the hospital I reflect as much as my weary mind allows me to about the days before being admitted, the stay, and life in general. I can’t help, but acknowledge the blessing of pain. The blessing of pain sounds bazaar, for lack of a more fitting word. No one enjoys being in pain, it is absolutely miserable. But, God gave us pain for a reason, ultimately it will bring glory to His name and sometimes it is a life savor. Intense pain is a red flag scream, “HEY WAKE UP, SOMETHING IS WRONG.” Many times being a spoonie I ignore these sings. Discerning what is urgent is difficult.
I was informed the night that I was admitted, normal people do not have any signs of high liver enzymes. Normal people experience no pain. However, personally the liver complications nearly broke the pain scale. My pain was without a doubt a ten out of ten.
Honestly, that entire day is a blur, I could not think straight and was consumed with symptoms, pain, and the worst weakness. I nearly feel asleep talking to people at church, which is out of character for me. The Lord truly blessed me though my pain that day. If it wasn’t for the weakness, pain, and my mom I could have encountered permit damage. The negative possibilities spelled out to me were shocking. No one knows how my enzymes rocked up so high then crashed at the speed of light, none of it made logical sense. Without a doubt my condition would have been much worse. It is hard to swallow the pill of beauty and blessings through our pain. “ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5.
The Lord is faithful and he always provides. He graciously pours out countless blessings in our lives, but we fail frequently to acknowledge them or to understand them. The Lord uses everything for his glory. He can turn our worst pain into His greatest blessing.