Fruit of Brokenness

Today, I have a special treat for you, Melinda from  Fruit of Brokenness.

I had to accept it. But I didn’t want to. I had to accept a term I didn’t like for myself. It’s a label used when someone does something horrific like shoot a bunch of innocent people or drown their children. We use it to describe people who are so out of touch with reality or so far outside societal norms that they make us uncomfortable…

MENTALLY ILL.

If you met me, your first thought wouldn’t be “mentally ill.” I mean, I look like a normal 43-year-old mom of three kids… which means I can look a little crazy-frazzled at times, but I’m not the stereotypical unkempt, wild-eyed, roaming the streets talking to imaginary friends and enemies.

I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder. Sometimes my brain goes sideways.

Major or severe, depression is difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced it.

It’s like walking death. Everything that makes you-you carved out, leaving a gaping emptiness that can’t believe you ever really were anything, especially not anything good. You no longer enjoy your favorite things, or anything else. It’s impossible to believe things will get better; it’s impossible to believe that better is your normal.

Some of you may think that faith in God should make feeling like this impossible, that people who claim to be Christians who suffer depression or anxiety must be doing something wrong.

Their faith must not be strong enough.

They don’t pray or read the Bible enough.

They must have hidden sin.

While all these things can contribute to depression, depression is not just a spiritual issue. When churches approach people struggling with mental health issues as if is all only their fault, it is unhelpful at best, and can be dangerous.

Faith hasn’t cured me.

While a correct understanding of God and ourselves is vital for mental health, it doesn’t guarantee we won’t suffer from depression or anxiety.

Faith isn’t a magic cure-all. As with physical illness, mental illness can strike down believers and dog their steps.

As Paul related in 2 Corinthians 12, I haven’t been able to pray away my thorn. I have medication that is keeping the suicidal depression in check, but I still struggle with depression and anxiety and know it would be dangerous to quit taking my medication.

I have a chronic illness that requires physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual treatment. To attribute one too much importance than the others is unhelpful. There’s a glitch in my brain that affects my emotions, my perception of reality, and my ability to think clearly.

At its worst, I believe that I am beyond grace.

But there’s something awesome about God’s refusal to remove our thorns. Our weaknesses are an opportunity for His strength, and also His grace, to shine.

Paul knew this.

God can heal. God does heal. But God doesn’t always heal.

It’s not wrong to ask for healing, but we must choose to trust Him whether or not He sends it.

Whatever God allows or chooses in my life, I need to let Him be God. In and through my circumstances.

A huge thank you to Melinda for sharing her story and offering hope to others. Please check out Melinda’s blog and social media:

Fruit of Brokenness

Fruit of Brokenness on Facebook

Melinda VanRy on Twitter

Melinda VanRy on Pinterest

 

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Spoonie Sisters

Spoonie Sisters,

You are stunning. Your smile impacts the atmosphere. Though you beautiful on the outside, your beauty is more than skin-deep. Every element of your personality contributes to your beauty. Your heart of compassion, hope, and joy shines through. Your victories, struggles, tears, and laughter – every note of the melody of your life has contributed to  your beauty.

You might feel that your illness or other ‘flaws’ has stolen your beauty. But darling that is so far from the truth. Your struggles have enhanced your beauty. Don’t compare yourself to a past version of you. Don’t compare yourself to family, friends, or women in the media. Illness and medication might alter how you look or see yourself, but I assure you that you are stunning despite the changes.

You have gracefully overcome many things. Your accomplishments are impressive. The little things do matter. You are a fighter, a true warrior.

Thank you for being an inspiring Spoonie Sister. Dance joyfully through this season of life, even when things are falling apart. Keep dreaming, keep moving forward, and never lose hope. The world needs your talents… it needs you.

New Year’s

2015 is drifting into our history. Countless changes and surprises transpire in a year; things that we would never dream happened. We have become better versions of ourselves; a step close to who God created us to be.

I hope as you reflect you detect the beauty from the pain. Though reflecting is wonderful, it can also negatively impact us. Slipping into harping on the negative events is easy to unknowingly do. It is hard to be joyful with a chronic illness, if, like most of us, the majority of your goals were not accomplished, and you are not even a breath closer to the dream that sets your heart on fire.

Acknowledging the negativities and let downs is fundamental, but we need to also need to gracefully be thankful for the countless positivities.

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If you follow Chronically Hopeful, you most likely know that the biggest event of my year was being admitted to the hospital last April due to elevated live enzymes and a severe Lupus flare. So, yes the most important thing I accomplished in 2015 is surviving. Every day is a struggle, still, but every day I’m grateful. It is hard to evaluate how I am doing in comparison to last  year. I am somewhat stronger, however, things are not where I need them to be. But I am determined to take steps forward towards less pain and a more normal life- whatever that might be.  You are not alone if you are battling similar health battles.

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Making a New Years Resolution is more of a fad mixed with tradition. ‘Everyone’ is making them. No one is actually keeping them. By the time January is ready to make a graceful exit, resolutions have fallen away like a tear drop in the ocean.

I usually do not make New Years Resolutions. I can barely plan out this week without becoming utterly overwhelmed due to the fact that I don’t know how I will feel on any given day. I find that I personally do better setting a bunch of goals versus one big yearly goal. I have been compleating making a New Years Resolution. I have decided to set several goals including reading through as much of the Bible (cover to cover style),  to improve Chronically Hopeful specifically get 50 readers, and to improve things with my health.

So, what does the Spoonie New Years Resolution call for?

Flexibility: Make your resolution broad.

Realistic: Dreaming big is awesome, but keep your goals in your reach. Jump outside your comfort zone without putting your health at risk. You want to set yourself up for success.

Accountability: Share your resolution or goals with someone else. Allow them to hold you accountable. A little accountability goes a long ways.

Share some of your New Year’s reflections or resolutions in the comments.