Emotions can very well be our best friend or our worst enemy or somewhere in between. They change rapidly many times without warning. Adding any medication provides them with an excuse to run wild within. This is downright difficult to cope with. Not only do our emotions run wild but some medications change how we physically appear which can be just another reason we beat ourselves up. We are many times our worse critics. Over analyzing and negatively speaking to our selves. God did not create us to be hated. He is love, he crafted you through and by his love. By his love and grace you were saved. He does not want you in toxic, abusive, or negative relationships. Like wise he does not want you to be consumed by shame and negative self talk.
So much has changed for me sense becoming ill. One physical trait that sticks out like a neon sigh is my lovely moon face. I hated it in the beginning, I was extremely self concuss. Now I am by no means saying that I love it now however I have learned to accept it. More recently I have encountered abdominal swelling which makes me look six months pregnant. The swelling is daunting. Every time I get ready to leave the house the gruesome thought meanders into my mind, what if a some asks if I am pregnant or just asks how far along I am. The things complete strangers come up and say can be mortifying. I struggle with surrendering this completely to the Lord; leaving it in his hands. I give it to God, then go right back to worrying. Letting go and letting God completely be in control of anything is a struggle. As humans we crave control. We try to make sure everything is in place and unfolds according to our plans. We also worry. No matter what physical or emotional changes we encounter God still loves us, we were created in his image. He understands the changes we are facing and he understands our frustration.
Everything here on Earth is temporary, even the side effects from our medication. Coping with physical changes is a challenge, however you are not alone on this journey. Frequently, we feel isolated. We digest the lies that no one understands, no one cares, we are worthless, and unlovable. It is worth repeating, God is with you on this tragically demanding journey of life with a chronic illness. He never leaves you side, not even for a brief moment. He wants you to depend on Him every moment of every day. To depend on him when you have an abundance of spoons, joy, and laughter. To depend on him when you cannot go a step further consumed with debilitating pain and weakness; as you endure medical procedures.
Being wrapped up in life, you might neglect to acknowledge that there are other Spoonies out there. We understand your frustrations, symptoms, struggles, and your journey. Our understanding is incomplete only in the sense that our story varies from yours. We try to provide the most understand, support, and encouragement to one another.
There are countless things to attempt to cope with while chronically ill, it becomes overwhelming quickly. You my friend are doing an amazing job. You have achieved more then you ever expected. You are a warrior. Though the road might be long it is filled with beauty and blessings. All these things will soon pass and only remain as a mere memory. Medications and chronic illness might alter aspects of you, but you are still you. You are stunning inside and out, a true work of art with a breath taking purpose.