Why Her?

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Comparison is the heartbeat of feeling like one does not measure up. It is a timeless issue.  Additionally, it is a struggle most encounter at an extremely young age. This struggle plagues women in a unique way. We compare ourselves to the woman who “has it all together” or to the media. Regardless of how hard we try we just do not measure up. At times, we allow ourselves to ask, why does she have God’s favor and I don’t?

The enemy desires to separate us from Christ and embed doubt into our minds.  Comparison is one of the battles in the war fought for a woman’s heart. This struggle is found in women in all walks of life, but today I want to focus a little on the woman battling chronic illness.

Having a “broken” or “malfunctioning” body causes one to feel inadequate. When you are drained from the pain, symptoms, emotional break downs, changes in your physical appearance, dealing with insurance, and doctors it is easy to into a comparison trap. It may be tempting at times to run away from God. One might become angry with Him question what she did to deserve this.

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We look at the healthy woman. It must be nice to get out of bed in the morning rested. It must be nice living pain free. It must be nice to have a job and be independent. It must be nice to go out on a whim without planning according to your symptoms and not be stuck in bed for a week after. It must be nice eating whatever you want when you want to. It must be nice brushing your hair without chunks falling out. It must be nice…

Perhaps, at times you have envied other women with chronic illness. The woman who has a prestige medical team, a husband who supports her, friends who check in, or has made substantial progress. Other times, maybe you envy your old healthy self.

Because of chronic illness your dreams have been shattered. You lost the woman you were before this illness plagued your body. It has altered every relationship in your life.

Why does she get to live the life you always dreamed? Why are you trapped in your own body? How do you move forward in a way that honors God?

You were made to bring honor and glory to Christ. You were created, precious friend to live an abundant life. You were crafted for thanksgiving not for comparison.

It is possible to overcome comparison one moment at a time through the strength of Christ. Being rooted in Christ is vital to survive life with a chronic illness. Drinking in His presence while resting in His arms. Allowing His Word to consume you until you overflow is essential.

Let’s leave comparison in the past and begin living in a way that honors God. I want to invite you to join in a Bible study about overcoming comparison. We will dig into God’s Word in inspiring ways as we study Rachael and Leah. Click here for additional information. Online Bible study is an essential tool if you are chronically ill.

“In her new book, Why Her?, Nicki Koziarz uncovers six truths we need to hear when trying to measure up leaves you falling behind. Because truth, like always, will set us free. And free women don’t have to measure up to anybody. Not even her.

In this 6-week study of Why Her?, we will use Nicki’s powerful message to help you:

  • Conquer what comparison can do to your self-esteem by applying six powerful truths to your everyday life.
  • Start thriving in your own skin again as you battle the ever-present “must be nice” syndrome.
  • Apply what the Bible says about comparison to your own situation as we learn from two important women in Scripture.” Proverbs 31 Ministries

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A note from Nicki:

“Yes, #WhyHerBook is a book on how to battle comparison with Truth. And we all need Truth. But there’s so much we can learn from the story of Rachel & Leah.

Maybe you’ve studied the story of Rachel & Leah before but perhaps not like this. One of the things I’m most looking forward to with the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies is to study Genesis 29-35 in depth through the teaching series.

You’ll meet Jacob, Laban, Rachel & Leah in a new way. You’ll learn about how Jacob wrestled with God and how that led to the resting place with God.

We’ll discover how to discern if something someone says about God in the Bible is true or not. And what to do when comparison tries to compromise the wellness of your soul.

 

I hope you’re signed up for the totally free Online Study beginning April 9th!”

 

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Renewal Road

 Beginning yet another online Bible study I am able to identify with the author who happens to be a precious friend, furthermore, I am confident that you can relate as well. On the first page of the Renewal Road The Journey of Becoming More Like Jesus, Jill waste no time, jumping in with an important message. Dying so that Christ may live. She shares an important flashback of an encounter of depression, which is where I want to park to explore for a bit.

I know this is not the most comfortable topic. However, it is important to share our times of depression, sorrow, doubt, and hopelessness with one another. Many times, as Christians, we attempt to have it all together, to appear happy at all times might I dare say perfect. We want to appear in a way that we were never meant to be. Christ calls us to live for Him not to live in perfection.

With that said many people in the Bible encountered depression seasons consumed with sorrow and hopelessness. The world can feel like a dark and hopeless place. It is a fallen and painful world. We encounter countless mistakes or painful events every week. It might take the form of final burdens, a shattered relationship, or a malfunctioning body. Due to our sins, the sins of others, and simply because we live on earth we are bound to encounter at least one season of depression. 

Questioning as many amazing people before us what is the meaning of life? At times, it all seems so utterly worthless. For countless reasons, we mutter that we are worthless, unworthy of love, unworthy of life. It seems to sneak up when we least expect it during a time we would expect to encounter joy.

I have battled some depression in a few seasons of life though I am well aware those bouts of depression could have been more severe. I can recall many times the feeling of hopelessness. The heavy sorrow that seems to compress the soul till spiritually I couldn’t breathe. 

My most recent battle began to unfold after some gossip and lack of compassion at my Church. I felt like I needed just that one thing to be okay. To provide me with stability. As much as I love my Church family they are not my anchor they are a community who should provide support. Christ alone is my anchor, my hiding place, stability, and hope. 

Transitioning from I want to die to I want to die so that You may live is a challenging journey which requires persistence.  The transition demands continual prayer, pursuing the heart of Christ, searching the Word, and reaching out to others. 

This transition is astonishing, furthermore, it is beyond comprehension. The drastic shift in perspective enabled by Christ changes our world.  We are not immune from depression or hardship. When we walk through the valley, we are more equipt to battle the depression. Surrendering all to Christ changes every moment of every day for the rest of our life. 

Jehovah Rohi (The Lord is my Shepherd), 

You are my anchor which never wavers, furthermore, my unending hope. Regardless of what occurs in my life, You remain the same. Lord Jesus, from the depths of my soul I praise Your might name. Holy, precious, and mighty is Your name now and forever.

I thank You for the lessons I have learned from the seasons of depression in my life. I ask that You would use those painful times to bring honor and glory to Your name. Enable me to pour out my heart to You. Let me be transparent in my quiet time with my emotions. Help me to praise Your name even when my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow. 

Amen 

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 “If you want to follow Me, you must deny yourself the things you think you want. You must pick up your cross and follow Me. The person who wants to save his life must lose it, and she who loses her life for Me will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25

Uninvited Devotional

Worry sits shotgun barking endless commands. Like weeds the to-do list grows. Anxiety suffocates us. Yet it was never meant to accompany our DNA it is merely learned behavior another aspect of our fallen world.

As we process pass rejection, worry and doubt are front and center. We try to blend in by dressing like those around us. Perhaps even fixing our hair and makeup just so before heading out the door. In addition, we go to extra lengths to please others, whether that is compromising our standards or acting a certain way to fit in.

I love that Lysa includes Matthew 6: 26-27 in the study guide as well as the video for section one of the Uninvited Study.  “Look at the birds in the sky. They do not store food for winter. They don’t plant gardens. They do not sow or reap—and yet, they are always fed because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are even more precious to Him than a beautiful bird. If He looks after them, of course He will look after you. Worrying does not do any good; who here can claim to add even an hour to his life by worrying?” (The Voice Translation). These two short verses are treasure packed with love. Reread the verses. Allow them to sink in. Jesus is gently whispering to you, darling daughter, I’ve got this, there is no need for you to worry. With Him you are safe, provide for, and always invited in. 

Jesus knows the depths of your heart. Who you really are. You don’t need to try to fit in or to be someone you are not there is no pressure. He loves you more than you can understand even with your flaws.

Jehovah Jireh (God Our Provider),

We praise you for the blessings in our lives. Thank you for this time to grow closer to you, to study your word, and to heal from our past. We surrender our past rejections and hurts to you. We surrender every anxiety to you. Provide for and bless each woman in a personal way this week. Amen

 

Don’t You Dare Run Away

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After becoming ill, many lose their faith. Unbelief dictates as anger boils over. Blaming God. Wrongfully accusing him. Instead of running towards God, they run away. Instead of filling up with God, they fill up with negativity. Instead of trusting him, they turn away.

It is human to swing through the jungle of emotions and experience doubt. The key factor is don’t run away. Pour out your heart to God, vent in confidence to a brother or sister in Christ, evaluate your doubts, even scream at God. God can handle your anger or anything else you experience. Whatever you do don’t you dare run away. Running away will only make things more difficult. God designed us to run to him when trials strike; he is our sustainer and strength.

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.” 1 Peter 4:12. At times, we are convinced that no one understands our trials. We act surprised when suffering drops by.

Suffering cannot be avoided. Because of the first sin of Adam and Eve we live in a fallen world. Suffering leaks endlessly, robbing our focus. There is a multitude of suffering that is heartbreaking. It consumes lives… it consumes our world.

Suffering is merely an element of the world we live in. God is all knowing. He deeply, flawlessly, and fully understands every detail. Suffering is no different. It is no surprise to God. God uses it in our lives and to bring him glory.

We might not understand the role of suffering in our lives, but we need to confidentially trust in the Lord. Ultimately he will receive glory from everything. His purpose will one day be revealed.

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Gonna Break

How much more can I take?

Before this weak body breaks

I know I am strong

But now it is getting harder to move along

Harder now to hide the pain

To force the smile, slap on the mask

Starting to fall faster and faster… here comes the rain

Energy wasted on a smiple pointless task

Don’t bother asking how I am

Surely I will lie, don’t need the sympathy

What they don’t know won’t hurt them

I’ll be fine on my own

Birthday

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My parents and I all have our Birthdays in January. What’s even more unique is my mom and I share a birthday, which is today January 28th. The first six years of my life I was an only child. I adore being a big sister, but I am grateful for the years I spent as an only child. I believe those years allowed me to develop a special bond with each of my parents. “You love your parents, but as you get to know them you fall in love with them.” I believe this quote is absolutely true. As a child, our parents are heros. As teenagers, we drift away from our parents. We are so consumed with our lives, we don’t take enough time to get to know our parents and cherish the small amount of time God lends them to us. I cherish the time I have with my parents.

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My mom and I have always been close. She is the reason I am who I am today. I couldn’t ask for a better mother. God has truly blessed me. She has been with me for every appointment, ER trip, urgent care trip, every test, and every surgery. She’s the one who calms me down when Prednisone makes me crazy or when I’m just overwhelmed with everything. She is a huge encouragement and the source of strength. I am blessed that she introduced me to the Lord and raise me in a church. I am blessed that my mother encouraged and allowed me to go on missions trips and retreats. She always encourages me to lean on the Lord and to find strength in him.

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I wish I could remember all the wonderful moments we shared together as I was growing up however my illnesses have impaired my memory. I cherish the few things I remember, the stories I am told of these moments, the home videos and countless pictures I have.

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I know my illness is extremely difficult for my mother, which is heartbreaking for me. She is an admirable woman. I can only strive to be half as amazing, compassionate, and loving as she is. The strength she has always leaves me in awe. She has overcome and given so much in her life. I God every day that He blessed me with my mother. Thank you is not enough for everything she has done for me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Today, at 2:14 pm I turn 21 years old. I did not think I would see this day. There were many times I wondered if I would wake up in the morning or if the Lord would send his angles to carry me to his arms. I’m only 21, but I have fought for my life a number of times. There are a thousand reasons I should not be alive, but for whatever reason the Lord has allowed me to still be here. 

 Most people cannot wait for their 21st birthday, however I am not most people.As my birthday approached I began to dread it. Another year has passed, making me yet another year older. 21. I have never been a fan of getting older. For as long as I can remember I wanted to stay in toy land, to stay a child. For me growing up was something I dreaded and feared. Until recently I never understood why. Now I am beginning to understand this bazaar fear. The fear is rooted entangled with pain. I began have chronic pain around six years old. Continuously I have associated getting older with more chronic pain as well as my health becoming more complex.

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Though I’m not thrilled to be 21, I am grateful to be alive and to have another year. Today is a day to celebrate everything I have overcome, being alive, and what I have accomplished. While I was 20 I began my Facebook page, this blog, survived my Reclast experience, achieved a 4.0 GPA, and other various small accomplishments. I look forward with hope to what will unfold during my time as a 21 year old. I hope to achieve at least a 3.8 GPA, get my kidney stones to stop, stabilize my health, grow my blog, become closer to God, and be able to go away to college in the fall.

 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

I hope you have a terrific day, thank you for stopping by! Sending lots of spoons, hugs, and prayers ❤