Great Spoonie Volgs

YouTube is an interesting place. Allowing for entertainment, vlogging, and education. I never used Youtube much until I went away to college and needed to force myself to rest. Of course,  finding tips for living with a chronic illness and encouragement was a plus.

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Kelly Patricia is one of my favorite YouTubers and a huge inspiration. Kelly has a gift for encouraging others. She also has amazing faith. Kelly has an interesting mix of chronic illnesses and is still partly undiagnosed. Her story is extremely relatable, especially with the struggle of finding decent doctors. Some of her illnesses include IBD, Endometriosis, and Arthritis.

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Lets Talk IBD

Maggie has a great channel featuring Inflammatory Bowel Disease. She has a J-pouch and information on doing feeding tubs as well as coping tips for life with a chronic illness.

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Inflamed and Untamed

Sarah also has IBD and is an excellent advocate. She is blunt. She has battled many surgeries, hospital visits, and flares. She has partnered with the Chrons and Colitis Foundation. She has been on multiple IBD discussion panels and has a lot of knowledge about IBD.

 

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Me And IBD

I am IBD Visible because I believe that awareness makes a difference. Education is key to living as healthy as possible. It is key to closing the gap between the healthy world and chronic illness world. Lastly, it is vital for those in the medical profession to gain a deeper understanding and compassion for us and strive for the best medical care. No matter how complex every person deserves the best medical care and to have manageable pain.

December 1st – 7th is Crohn’s & Colitis Awareness Week. The Chrons and Ulcerative Colitis Foundation says this overall about IBD: “Known collectively as inflammatory bowel diseases (IBD), Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis are painful, medically incurable diseases that attack the digestive system, causing abdominal pain, persistent diarrhea, rectal bleeding, fever, and weight loss. The effects of these diseases are largely invisible, which is why we need to make #IBDvisible!

Crohn’s disease may attack anywhere along the digestive tract, while ulcerative colitis inflames only the large intestine (colon). In addition to the impact on the GI tract, in some patients, IBD may also affect the joints, skin, bones, kidneys, liver, and eyes.”

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The pain began at age nine. Growing up, I frequently had stomach viruses. I had issues with being underweight, even though I was eating. I was told I was underweight because I was growing too quickly. The abdominal issues got worse about three years ago. I was unaware that I looked like a walking skeleton. In addition to the pain, I would have 15 -25 trips to the bathroom with diarrhea. I have encountered so many issues medically that it is a blur when some symptoms began. Eventually, I saw blood. It was a vicious cycle of medical testing and retesting. At one point in time, I swore I was done with the stomach stuff. Done seeing doctors. Done going through the tests.

Last April, I was in the I’m done state of mind when I encounter a huge flare. Of course, my mom brought me to the hospital. My liver enzymes were sky high. Despite the fact that I did not want to go through yet another colonoscopy one was ordered. I was positive for Ulcerative Colitis. The hospital doctors explained that they don’t see cases very often like mine. I have about five autoimmune diseases. I was in the hospital ten days. Despite their good efforts to avoid steroids, I ended up on a whopping 60 milligrams.

And so, the battle continued and continued to this day. I now have a gastro who I trust and like. One who listens, has compassion, trust me, and tells me everything I need to know. I struggle with eating daily. There is no set IBD diet. My current treatment plan consists of Prednisone, Balsalazide , and Remicade.

The journey with IBD is unique for everyone. If you are diagnosed with IBD I would like to encourage you to check out these links:Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation, Inflamed & Untamed, and Kelly Patricia.  CCFA has on its website: “We need to make IBD visible! Why be IBD visible? While IBD patients may look healthy internally they may be suffering. The toll IBD takes on the entire patient lies hidden underneath, significantly reducing public understanding of what IBD is and how it affects quality of life. YOU can change this by getting involved and sharing your stories, giving a face to these diseases.”

  • December 1: A focus on IBD advocacy.
  • December 2: The focus is how IBD is an invisible illness. The whole “but you don’t look sick,” thing.
  • December 3: The focus will be on pain.
  • December 4: The focus is on fatigue this day.
  • December 5: Mental health is the focus on this day.
  • December 6: Complications of IBD will be the focus of the day.
  • December 7: Community is the focus.

This week use the Twibbon to raise awareness. Share your story on social media. Use #IBDVisible. Share your story with the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation linked above for a chance to be featured on the web page.

 

Dysautonomia Awareness

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October is slipping by fairly quickly because of school and pyelonephritis. I truly wish I had more time to devote to  Dysautonomia awareness month. Millions of people are affected by  Dysautonomia worldwide. Sadly, like with many illnesses, there is not enough research or enough treatment plans. “Dysautonomia is an umbrella term used to describe several different medical conditions that cause a malfunction of the Autonomic Nervous System. The Autonomic Nervous System controls the “automatic” functions of the body that we do not consciously think about.” In addition, I strongly encourage you to take a look at this video from the Dysautonomia foundation.

POTS Awareness Video

The beginning of my POTS symptoms is unclear. I had adapted to my peculiar symptoms. Then I landed in the cardiac unit from an allergic reaction to Reclast about two years ago. My nurse had woke me up a handful of times because of tachycardia. Then I overheard some medical professionals discussing my case and mentioned that I might have POTS. Of course, I did the tilt table a few weeks later with extremely positive results.

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POTS impacts my life daily. Some daily symptoms include Tachycardia , low blood pressure, dizzy spells, not absorbing things properly, brain fog, fatigue, and dehydration. In addition, I collapse, shake, and pass out. Currently, my treatment plan isn’t excellent. My doctor refuses to order saline. My only POTS specific medication is tachycardia medication. I do not have additional treatment options at this point in time due to my overlapping illnesses and treatment plan overall.

Accommodating myself is a challenge, to say the least. Hydration is a struggle, especially due to the fact that I cannot absorb fluids properly at times with Ulcerative Colitis.  Gatorade, water, tea, and drip drop are some ways I attempt to fight dehydration at home. At times, my cats can sense when I am going to pass out or have a POTS flare. In addition, I do minor diet modifications. Compression stockings are a must, though I wish they helped a bit more. Whenever I go food shopping I use a wheelchair.  If I am on my feet I clench the muscles in my legs and back to assist blood flow. I never lock my legs. I elevate my legs frequently as well.

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Education of POTS is lacking majorly in the medical field. I recently came a crossed a doctor that believed that POTS is purely a psychiatric disorder. Needless to say, I was irritated with the conversation. POTS is a health condition. It is complex. There are no cookie cutter patients. New research suggests that it might be an autoimmune disorder.

The Foundation page has some excellent resources for living with POTS. I hope you learned something from this post! If you live with Dysautonomia share what type and how it impacts your life in the comments. Lastly, if you aren’t in a support group find one. There are a wealth of in-person as well as online support groups.

General Medication Guide

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I can recall a time when swallowing pills were my worst nightmare. I was never able to remember to take my multi-vitamin. And I would avoid medication like the plague. Those days seem a lifetime away in my past along with carefree sunny afternoons of childhood. If you are newly diagnosed, there is a lot to learn, it can be intimidating.

If you are newly diagnosed, there is a lot to learn and a lot that sounds scary. The majority of people with a chronic illness will encounter a medication at some point in time, for many of us, it becomes a daily part of life. It becomes as natural as brushing your teeth.

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Constructing a treatment plan and sticking with it is essential making a big difference. The positives and side effects need to be considered before agreeing to any medication. Listening to the doctors expert advice is vital. In addition, I recommend doing your own homework and speaking with others who have taken the medication if possible. Keep in mind that everyone’s body reacts differently. Your body will not react the same way someone else’s has. If you have a caretaker or support system it is also wise to get their option. Personally, I always talk to my mom letting her know what I have learned about a medication, side effects, how long it will take to work, and my thoughts. It is okay to say no if you are not comfortable with taking a particular medication.

Vitamins and Supplements

Vitamins and supplements need to be discussed with your doctor and carefully thought out. I have multiple autoimmune disorders, therefore, my immune system is overactive. Vitamins and supplements boost your immune system, so I need to be cautious as I select only what my body truly needs. Which vitamins I take does vary on what my body needs and what other medication I am on. For example, with Prednisone potassium is one thing I know I need to have. With Depo, I need calcium and vitamin D. If I feel like I am not absorbing things properly I increase my vitamin C. Balance is key. The only other supplement I typically take is fish oil which can assist in brain fog and inflammation.

Over the Counter

Interactions need to be checked, whether it is with vitamins, prescription, or over the counter medications. Again over the counter medications must be discussed with your doctor to ensure it is the best thing for you. By simply talking to your doctor you can avoid terrible interactions and side effects.

Organization:

Organization is essential in many aspects with a chronic illness. If I didn’t have a system, I would not take my medication or vitamins ever. Especially considering most of us have brain fog. I keep all my medical supplies in a crate. This not only includes my medication but also tiger balm, braces, and chemo supply. I also have a daily pill organizer.

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Knowing when to take medication is important. Personally, I take the majority of mine after meals. Setting an alarm on your phone can be helpful. There are also free apps to help remind you to take medication on time. Having someone you are frequently with check in with you can also be useful.

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Whenever I go out I use old pill bottles to store the medication I will need or might need. I have a makeup bag that I put everything such as my inhaler, that I might need while I am out.

How do you stay organized with medication?

Matcha

Matcha Tea is a newer trend in the tea world. I have heard many positive things about it. After conducting my own research, I knew it was something I wanted to try. The health benefits are astonishing. Due to the excessive amount of antioxidants, it is considered a super food.

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The health benefits are astonishing. Due to the excessive amount of antioxidants, it is considered a super food.  Matcha assists in detoxing the body, burning calories, helps regulate blood sugar as well as cholesterol,  and relaxes the body. Additionally, it has fiber, vitamin C, selenium, chromium, zinc, and magnesium. Matcha enhances energy levels and focus. Now the good part! There have been studies done that show Matcha helps with inflammation and autoimmune diseases. Of course, more research is still being done. Anything that can help chronic illness even a tiny bit is an assist in my option.

Matcha is different from the average tea. It is a fine power whereas most teas are tea leaves. You drink the entire tea leaf (which appears as a powder) thus reaping greater health benefits.

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The great thing about Matcha is you do not have to drink it as hot tea, there are other ways to enjoy it. It can be served as a cold tea, mixed in with milk, or added to a smoothie. There are additional recipes that include matcha as well.

I recently bought a small pack of Matcha Tea from Teavana. I am going to try replacing my morning black tea with Matcha tea for five to ten days. Hopefully, I’ll feel an improvement with at least energy levels and my focus.

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I invested in the ten single to go packs ( ^ In the picture above). Teavana also has various flavors of Matcha tea such as peach, chai, and jasmine. I went with the basic one because of my abdomen. At times, sweet teas make me nausea. Either way, Matcha has a bold taste. Here’s the description off the Teavana webpage, ” Stoneground from shade-grown, chlorophyll-rich tencha tea leaves harvested for their luminous flavor, emerald color& vital antioxidants, each sip supports energy.Vibrant tench green tea with a rich, savory flavor & exquisitely silken finish.” 

For more Matcha information check out: http://matchasource.com/

Have you ever tried Matcha, if so share your experience in the comments!

*Note: This is just something I stumbled across and after much though  decided to try. This is just what I have learned and experienced, I am not advertising or being endorsed by anyone.

POTS

I am an expert at passing out, it’s a skill that not many people have. Then again most people do not need this skill. I can recall the seconds leading up to each time I passed out vividly. I have passed out well over a dozen times.  I know when it is going to happen. The warning sings are always the same first I feel dizzy, then my hearing fades, weakness increases steadily, then the vision leaves, and boom I pass out. Once the passing out shuffle begins I spring into action. Either telling whoever is around or by getting to the floor as quickly as possible. Usually someone says my name a few times and I’m back. No biggie. Extremely tiring but not tragic.

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October is Dysautonomia Awareness Month.  Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome is a form of Dysautonomia. What in the world is it? “Dysautonomia is an umbrella term used to describe several different medical conditions that cause a malfunction of the Autonomic Nervous System. The Autonomic Nervous System controls the “automatic” functions of the body that we do not consciously think about, such as heart rate, blood pressure, digestion, dilation and constriction of the pupils of the eye, kidney function, and temperature control. People living with various forms of dysautonomia have trouble regulating these systems, which can result in lightheadedness, fainting, unstable blood pressure, abnormal heart rates, malnutrition, and in severe cases, death.” Dysautonomia is not rare, at all, it is just rarely diagnosed. Many people live undiagnosed or misdiagnosed.

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The tilt table test is used to diagnosis POTS. Web MD gives this explination of the test: “The test involves lying quietly on a bed and being tilted at different angles (30 to 60 degrees) for a period of time while various machines monitor your blood pressure, electrical impulses in your heart, and your oxygen level.

The head-up tilt table test usually takes one to two hours to complete. However, that may vary depending on the changes observed in your blood pressure and heart rate and the symptoms you experience during the test. Before the test begins, a nurse will help you get ready. The nurse will start an IV (intravenous) line. This is so the doctors and nurses may give you medications and fluids during the procedure if necessary.You will be awake during the test. You will be asked to lie quietly and keep your legs still.”

From my experience the tilt table test made me sick but did not increase my pain. Overall I found the test extremely boring. I was only up a few minutes before I began passing out. They laid me down and pumped me up with saline with extra sodium. The tilt table test does need to be done in the morning.

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The most common types of Dysautonomia are: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Neurally Mediated Syncope, and Multiple System Atrophy.  POTS can develop in the adolescent years and some out grow it. In other cases it is a secondary illness and is a chronic condition. Some POTS patients are misdiagnosed with an anxiety disorder. POTS is not an anxiety disorder nor is it cause by one. The role anxiety plays is a symptom. I received my POTS diagnosis almost a year ago. The possibility of me having POTS was mentioned during my Reclast hospital vacation. I had heard of the syndrome, however my knowledge was extremely limited. Of course I researched POTS before my diagnosis was set in stone. Once I learned more about POTS I knew I had it. It was something I lived with, I just had to get the doctors as usual to see what I already knew. My doctor ran the tilt table test. My POTS presents many obstacles daily. It is an incontinence illness.

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Though I like the doctor who is in charge of managing my POTS, most times he is unsure how to help. POTS can be challenging to treat. There is nothing my doctor can currently do other then prescribe a beta blocker for high heart rate. Of course, he advises the normal things such as eat sodium, wear compression stockings, pace yourself, ect…

It has almost been a year sense my official diagnosis. My POTS has improved greatly. This is mostly because of Prednisone. One of the biggest challenges I live with currently due to POTS is various organs not getting enough blood. Again, no one really knows how to help this issue in my body. My balance is off still. Right now it’s great I only fall into walls instead of completely collapsing. Collapsing out of no where is inconvenient and unsafe.

Normal activities are challenging for people with POTS. Being up right, being on their feet for a few minutes, and showering are difficult and sometimes dangerous things.

I watched something on POTS where a doctor recommended anyone with  POTS to wear a helmet in the shower. Comical. And impractical. How would you propose washing your hair with a helmet. Yes, falling in the shower is unsafe but a helmet is not the best solution.

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A lot more research needs to be done in order for patients to receive better treatments. That is one reason raising awareness for POTS and other chronic illnesses is essential. Thank you for reading about my POTS journey. I hope it can help someone or that someone can learn something from this post.

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Picking A College

Most of you know that I’m a college student. My academics are important to me. Lately i have been struggling to keep my head above water in regards to my school work. My abdominal pain has been getting worse daily. It has taken over my life.

I have always enjoyed school over all. Of course there are days I don’t love it and subjects I don’t like.

Preparing for college was a challenge due to my illness. I began my search early but I wish I started sooner. I choose a college three hours away which was not ideal. I had e expected to be able to go to school full time and have a job. I thought once i began medication i would improve quickly. I had unrealistic expectations. I began school two months,after my fifth surgery. I don’t recommend this.

My parents add I soon realize me going to school so far,away want a good idea. My heath got worse. But i was determined to finish the semester. Over Thanksgiving break I had blood in my urine…game over. I knew I couldn’t go back to school. I completed my first semester online. My plan was to get better over break then go away to school again closer to home. However, with a sever double kidney infection that was not an option. Recently I scheduled my classes with the ‘local’  (which is an hour away) community college. I tired to be happy and excited about the change. I greeted the semester with a good attitude and an open mind. The semester busted at the seams with obstacles. I had to receive antibiotics though an IV, a bladder scope, and a few dozen kidney stones. The rheumatologist I had been seeing took me off of my Lupus medications, which complicated things.

I had been able to get ahead with my classes. The flexibility with online learning is great. I completed the semester with a 3.5 GPA. I had been told that I am not a smart person through out my school career. I never expected to do this well in college. Last semester I ended up with a 4.0 GPA which I have mentioned before mainly because I am so surprised by it.

Entering college is scary and ecciting.  Picking a college and filling out the paper work can be stressful. It is a challenge to find the prefect school for you. I don’t know about you but I don’t know how I’ll feel five minutes from not never mind in a few months to a few years. I recommend beginning your college search as early as you can, this way you will have plenty of time to consider your options and it will be less stressful.

The biggest question is: is it realistic to live on campus (if that’s one of your dreams). It is best to discuss this with whoever helps take care of you, anyone in your support system, a school counselor, and your doctor. You need to make sure your health is stable enough to make that huge jump to living on a college campus. I would recommend either picking a college fairly close to home or near relatives or a close family friend. This way if you end up in the emergency room, are going for extensive testing, or need support someone you know well and trust fully is there for you.

In addition to being close to someone who knows your medical history and you trust there are many other factors to consider when choosing a college.

Some questions to ponder while searching for what college you will attend:

  • Consider what the area is like compared to wear you live. Is it city, suburban, or rural? Will living in the city for example affect your health? Personally I cannot live in the city due to the air and noise.
  • How close is the nearest hospital? What type of a reputation does it have?
  • Will you need to switch doctors? (If so, it is best you do research on what options you have for a new doctor. You want to be sure they know what they are doing and can properly care for you.)
  • Where is the pharmacy?
  • How long can I expect to have insurance coverage? (For example, up to what age am I covered? Do I need to be a full time student to receive or “get” full coverage?
  • Is there a nurse or licensed practitioner?
  • How big is the campus?
  • Where will you be living? Is the dorm building handicap accessible?
  • How many people will you need to share a room and a bathroom with?
  • Whats the food like? Would your body be okay with what the serve?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments! If you are in college currently or have already graduated please share other things to consider when picking a college.

Invisible Illness Awareness Week

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There is more than meets the eye, don’t judge a book by its cover. Sayings we can spit out weightlessly in a moment notice. Our brains have memorized the words yet in many situations do not comprehend the depth of these words. Riding through the motions of life we jump to various conclusions based merely on what our eyes rely to us. We are quick to jump to conclusions and far too judgmental.

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Invisible illness awareness week is essential. “But you don’t look sick” is one of the most over used phrases in the Spoonie world. Our outward appearance does not clearly display the war raging inside our bodies. Many individuals with chronic illnesses lose their friends, are treated poorly by family members, and receive rude comments from strangers. There is a lack of understanding and a lack of empathy. People make assumptions based on appearance and many times are unwilling to listen to what is really going on with an individual who is ill.

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Invisible illness awareness week is a campaign founded by Lisa Copen over ten years ago. Lisa is the inspirational founder of Rest Ministries.  Invisible illness awareness week empowers those who live daily with a chronic illness.  Additionally it raises awareness for countless invisible illnesses. “96% of chronic illnesses are invisible.” This campaign strives to make the invisible…visible. While an individual might not see our illness that does not make it any less real. It is very real. A battle that must be fought without ceasing.

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My heart is heavy with passion for the invisible fight. Raising awareness for chronic illness is vital to me. I believe that educating people about chronic illness is essential. Knowledge is power. Educating people who don’t have illnesses enhances their empathy for those who battle chronic illness daily.

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The campaign and raising awareness in general impacts those who are chronically ill as well. It is empowering. It also encourages those who are chronically ill to keep fighting. Raising awareness reminds people that they are not alone, they are not the only one struggling with illness and the challenges it presents.

I feel obligated to share my story and assist others with chronic illness in any way possible. My hope is that others will be encouraged, learn, and find support through my openness. I am bursting with excitement for invisible illness awareness week. I hope you will join me in learning about invisible illnesses, celebrating those who have overcome obstacles their illness has presented, and sharing inspiring stories. Together we can put a stop to the assumptions of invisible illness. We can make invisible illness visible.

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This year invisible illness awareness week is September 28th – October 4th. The theme is My Invisible Fight. I will be posting invisible illness awareness things here and on my facebook page Chronically Hopeful through out the month.

Join us on Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/InvisibleIllnessWeek/timeline

https://www.facebook.com/chronicallyhopeful17?ref=hl

There are many effortless ways to get involved in invisible illness awareness week. Check out and like both the invisible illness week and chronically hopeful facebook pages. There will be a wealth of resources on each page daily. Uplifting pictures will be shared, beautiful stories, and articles. There will also be online conferences throughout the week.

http://invisibleillnessweek.com/

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High School

High school is a roller coaster ride; adding a chronic illness makes things even more complicated. Before school begins I would recommend setting up a meeting with your councilor and someone else in the admiration departments such as the principle.  Make sure you have a parent or another care giver with you who know your complete medical history. Be sure everyone has an understanding of your illness. Discuss with everyone present accommodations you might need, let them know you are still under doctors care, what to do in an emergency, and what to do if you are absent due to a flare.

There are a few documents you might need to get, which include: a 504 plan, a doctor’s note, and a note from admiration of your school or councilor. A 504 developed to ensure that a student who has a disability identified under the law and is attending an elementary or secondary educational institution receives accommodations that will ensure their academic success and access to the learning environment. Find out more at this website: http://specialchildren.about.com/od/504s/f/504faq1.htm The 504 plan will “follow” you to college.

Sadly not all high schools are willing to work with students who are chronically ill. There are other schooling options. I had attending a public school my entire life. My health violently spiraled downhill every year of high school. Junior year I had seizures due to a medication I was on. I had a fairly mild one in school one day and locked myself in the bathroom stall. As a result I was put on homebound. My mother and I met with the principle in preparation for my senior year. During this meeting we were told if I continued to stay on homebound I could not walk for graduation. Many of my teachers refused to give my tutor the work while I was on homebound. (I have done homebound through a public school three separate times). After a lot of research and discussion my parents and I agreed Cyber School would be the best option for me. My only regret is not going into Cyber School sooner. There are FREE public school, cyber school options. Type Cyber School in your state into Google and you will come up with a lengthy list.

The school I went through was amazing. Public Cyber Schools give you EVERYTHING you need. They send you a lap top, microphone, text books, printer, and any other supplies you might need. They also pay something towards your internet bill. In the beginning of the school year I went to class every day. Yes you read right I went to class. I would log into the schools website and go into an online class room. I was able to hear my teacher, read power points, see videos they showed, and interacted with students. I was able to speak to the entire class as well. There was a way for me to private message the teacher, raise my hand, and even let them know if I had to leave my room to go to the bathroom.

I always liked school, but I found it more enjoyable while I was in Cyber School. I cannot describe how priceless the flexibility was. I no longer had to worry about keeping up with the rest of the class. I was able to focus more on my health. I went through a period of time that I got sick if I got up too early. I was able to avoid this being in Cyber School. I could access my work anytime, 27/7.  I was able to go ahead, which was another priceless asset. About two months into school I was approved for ascyncerness learning. This meant I did not have to attend class. I had to maintain a certain GPA to stay in that program. Ascyncerness learning is not for everyone. My teachers e-mailed all class sessions to anyone in case we needed to review. I was able to view all the lesson plans, notes, power points, and due dates. Some teachers allowed me to take tests and quizzes anytime I wanted but on the other hand some teachers locked them until a certain date. My grades improved greatly.

I found in Cyber School I received more support. My teachers were very caring they checked up on me every few days, I had a counselor, and a family coach. They all helped me achieve my goals while I searched for my diagnosis.

One of people’s concerns is lack of socialization. There were more chances for me to interact with other people than I could keep track of. Academically we were required to do message boards. This included writing an essay or answering a question then answering another students post. There were group projects and interaction with other students during class. There were over twenty clubs. Some online but others were in person. There were chances to do sports as well. There were field trips and get together weekly. The school also had dances, prom, a regular graduation, year books, and more.

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“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.” Isiah 55:8

Many times we are convinced that we are following the Lords plans for our lives.We take all the proper precautions praying, seeking guidance in the Word of God, meditating, than we take a leap of faith only to fall flat on our face. What went wrong? We might never know the answer to this question. Perhaps the time we spent searching and planning enhanced our faith allowing us to enjoy deeper fellowship with God. Regardless of the reason when things don’t work out how we intend them to we are grieved with disappointment.

I began praying about my college journey in middle school. Than began my intense college and scholarship search in my sophomore year of high school. I wrote everything out nicely, I had a well though out plan of action.  Though I went off to the college of my choice nothing happened the way I planed. I got sicker and ended up back home attending community college online. Once again I made plans to go away to school this fall. However, things did not work out as I planed. The finances did not line up.

I spent two business days straight making dead end no answer phone calls. Running around in endless circles unable to get information. I quickly became overcome with anxiety and dread. I had no back up plan. It became evident that things weren’t going to work out. I pleaded with God for Him to provide for me. Than took a step back and asked that his will would be carried out in my life. I know that my prayers and preparations for this coming semester were not in vain. They allowed me to draw closer to God.

Emotions clouded my mind, as I tried to figure out my next step. All I could see was a dead end and failure. After discussions with various people, I made the decision to continue my education though the community college. It wasn’t ideal but I am still moving forward.

I was disappointed to a degree, but more annoyed that things happened last minute. Like anyone who is chronically ill, I desire to be as normal as possible. To be as independent as possible. At times I am completely content as I take baby steps forward. Other times I am irritated to no end. I am twenty one and I am so limited with what I can do. Currently I cannot work, cannot be on my feet for too long, and cannot drive. It is easy to fall into the trap of a negative mind set. It is essential to keep things in perspective and to acknowledge the blessings in life.I am grateful for the progress that I have made. I look forward to continuing to get stronger and becoming more independent.