Pour Out Your Heart

It is never ending. The symptoms. The pain. The frustration, anxiety, and tears. The fatigue. The new diagnosis. Life dramatically changes when you learn you have a chronic illness. Things become devastating when you keep adding to that list.

It is bittersweet. One is thankful to know what is going on and that there is a logical explanation to the maddest within their body. Yet on the other hand, one may question, how can so many things be wrong with my body.

It becomes more challenging when no one offers a full treatment plan. A few medications may help, some, yet it is not nearly enough. The pain becomes so intense one questions if they are dying. More frustrating when someone cannot function and sees no way out. There is no independence. Living at your own risk.

Yes, positive thinking is an asset and it is fundamental. In contrast, shutting off all “negative” emotions will do no good. Sometimes we need to allow our selves to get frustrated, upset, admit it is too much, admit we are scared, anxious, or feeling hopeless in the moment.

For a very long time, I handled my chronic illnesses emotionally “too well” to some. I wasn’t scared or anxious or depressed. My doctor at the time felt I should be unstable and offered me anxiety or depression medications which I refused. I knew it was God’s grace which I would embrace until the season ended.

Now, three years later, I am more emotional and grieving my losses from chronic illness more. Not clinically depressed or anxious, just emotional more than I would like. It is a challenge for me, like many others, to allow myself to feel hopeless, anxious, or scared. I feel the need to be super woman. To handle everything perfectly according to an unrealistic worldly perspective. Feeling like I never measure up.

No where in the Bible does it say that a saved individual will handle every problem with no struggles or negative emotions and of course it doesn’t say we will handle it perfectly. Take a look at the Psalms to see how David shared his raw emotions with Christ. Christ meets us in the struggles. “For the Eternal will be a shelter for those who know misery,
 a refuge during troubling times. Those who know Your name will rely on You, for You, O Eternal One, have not abandoned those who search for You” Psalm 9:9-10. He holds us during the unbearable pain. He wants us to pour our hearts out to Him and to share the intense emotions. He encourages us to be transparent. He is okay with us saying that we feel it’s unfair, we are frustrated, angry, or scared.

Christ meets us where we are in the middle of the mess, the emotions, and pain. Psalms 34: 4- 5 says, “God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.  Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him”(MSG). He holds us in His arms when life is too much to deal with. Endlessly He pours out grace in the tragedies. He wants us to trust Him in the difficulties. Gently, He will guide us and provide moment by moment.

Lord,

I lift Your name on high. Thank You for knowing me better than I know myself. For allowing me to be completely honest with You. You understand my sorrow, anxiety, and pain. You understand my thoughts and emotions better than I do. Help me to invite You into my pain and to pour my heart out to You without holding anything back. May I never hide anything from You. You are my refuge. I trust in You. Provide all I need. Help me to live life abundantly. Let each moment of my life bring honor, glory, and praise to Your name.

Amen

Advertisements

Psalm 5

Today, we are going to take a more in-depth look at Psalm chapter five, furthermore, this post will build off the introduction to Psalm chapter five.There is an overwhelming amount of awe-inspiring beauty in Psalms. Cries to God of pure relatable emotion.

Bend Your ear to me and listen to my words, O Eternal One;
    hear the deep cry of my heart.
Listen to my call for help,
    my King, my True God;
    to You alone I pray.
In the morning, O Eternal One, listen for my voice;
    in the day’s first light, I will offer my prayer to You and watch expectantly for Your answer.

You’re not a God who smiles at sin;
    You cannot abide with evil.
The proud wither in Your presence;
    You hate all who pervert and destroy what is good.
You destroy those with lying lips;
    the Eternal detests those who murder and deceive.

Yet I, by Your loving grace,
    am welcomed into Your house;
I will turn my face toward Your holy place
    and fall on my knees in reverence before You.
O Eternal One, lead me in the path of Your righteousness
    amidst those who wish me harm;
    make Your way clear to me.

Their words cannot be trusted;
    they are destructive to their cores.
What comes out of their mouths is as foul as a rotting corpse;
    their words stink of flattery.
10 Find them guilty, O True God;
    let their own devices bring them ruin.
Throw them out, and let them drown in the deluge of their sin,
    for in revolt they brazenly spit in Your face.

11 But let those who run to You for safety be glad they did;
    let them break out in joyful song.
May You keep them safe—
    their love for You resounding in their hearts.
12 You, O Eternal, are the One who lays all good things in the laps of the right-hearted.
    Your blessings surround them like a shield.

The more I read this Psalm the more I fall in love with it. Prayer is not always expressed in words, but it is also “unuttered longings which abide as silent meditations. Words are not the essence but the garments of prayer.” (Biblestudytools.org) Meditation is defined as prayer accompanied with deep thoughts and fervent affections of the soul by Wesley’s Commentary.

Pouring out my heart to the Father felt natural as a young child. However, I became frustrated with pouring out my heart to God because I thought it sounded too negative. I stuck to praising Him, thanking Him, confessing sins, and praying for others. It didn’t take long for me to be convicted, as the door swung open for me to pour out my heart once more. The issue with my thinking was me. I labeled myself as a burden even to God, but that is not how God viewed me.

 

While those other things are essential being honest with God is vital. If we can’t be honest with Him than really who can we be honest with? We don’t need to pretend to be perfect or to try to look pretty for God. It is reassuring that God encourages us to ache freely. He knows the deepest cry of our heart yet He desires beyond words for us to share it with Him.

sad-girl-1382940_960_720.jpg

 

This Psalm reminds us of the importance of beginning the day with Christ. Not only offering a prayer but to be expectant for an answer and expectant to see God at work throughout the day.

Verses four – six highlights our sinfulness. At times, it can seem like a contest who has the best redemption story or who is better at resisting sin. When we are honest we are all the same, all drenched in sin and only saved by God’s amazing grace.

Mercy is the foundation of verse seven. It is a privilege that we are able to enter into the Lords presence. Even though things were messy for David here we see him faithfully praising God.

We all encounter times of spiritual warfare.  It is vital during these times to draw close to God taking refuge in Him. Furthermore, trusting that He will direct each step according to His will. We have confidence that He is the righteous judge. He is our great defender. Lastly, God will provide all we need to thrive in spiritual warfare and every trial.

In closing, I would like to share this study guide on Psalm 5 with you. I hope it will encourage you to dig deeper into this chapter. I know the Lord is at work in Your life.

El Roi (The God Who Sees me),

I praise You for Your loving grace. From the depth of my heart, I worship You. The whole earth declares Your glory and rejoices at the sound of Your name.

You are my shepherd guiding my every step. You understand every thought. Thank you for allowing me to ache freely. I praise You that I can be transparent with You. I rejoice in You for always hearing my cry.

I delight to do Your will and to walk with You daily. Increase my desire for You. Thank you that each battle is dependent on you alone. You are my hiding place. I surrender all to You opening my heart to receive Your word.

Amen