Psalms Bible Study

    This summer I am leading a super laid-back women’s online Bible study. We are reading one Psalm a week during the summer. We would be honored if you dropped by now and then or read through this life changing book with us. This post will focus on a brief introduction to the book of Psalm. Additionally, there will be a little on chapter one.

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Introduction to The Book of Psalm

A place of comfort. A refuge of strength with a ray of hope. Words alive to be cherished and written on the heart. The book of Psalm. Regardless of how one feels or where there are in their live story or how mature they are as a Christan, there is a relatable Psalm. Truly a Psalm for everyone.

The history of Psalm is richly complex over the course of more than 800 years. The outline of what occurred historically around various Palms is interesting rhythm to check it out here. I want to point out a few of these events behind this book of the Bible. For example, David & Goliath, During the Babylonish captivity, On the rebuilding of the temple, and During the war with Absalom.

Furthermore, God used numerous individuals. A few authors include David, Moses, Asaph, Solomon, and others. In addition, there are orphan Psalms which we do not know who wrote them.

The book of Psalm is broken down into five books. The order is as follows: Book 1 (Psalms 1–41), Book 2 (42–72), Book 3 (73–89), Book 4 (90–106), and Book 5 (107–150). Needless to say, this is the longest book of the Bible.

How is a Psalm defined? It is a poem, song, act of worship, prayer, and praise. The Psalm embodies experience, expression, and emotion. Read more in depth about this outline here. The Psalms tend to fall into these genres hymn, lament, thanksgiving, confidence, Remembrance, wisdom, and kingship.

A book could be written on the purpose of this book of the Bible, in opening Matthew Henry shares the following:

To assist the exercises of natural religion, and to kindle in the souls of men those devout affections which we owe to God as our Creator, owner, ruler, and benefactor. The book of Job helps to prove our first principles of the divine perfections and providence; but this helps to improve them in prayers and praises, and professions of desire towards him, dependence on him, and an entire devotedness and resignation to him. Other parts of scripture show that God is infinitely above man, and his sovereign Lord; but this shows us that he may, notwithstanding, be conversed with by us sinful worms of the earth; and there are ways in which, if it be not our own fault, we may keep up communion with him in all the various conditions of human life.

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Now, let’s take a look at Psalm chapter one (The Voice Translation), which was written by King David:

God’s blessings follow you and await you at every turn:
when you don’t follow the advice of those who delight in wicked schemes,
When you avoid sin’s highway,
when judgment and sarcasm beckon you, but you refuse.
 For you, the Eternal’s Word is your happiness.
It is your focus—from dusk to dawn.
You are like a tree,
planted by flowing, cool streams of water that never run dry.
Your fruit ripens in its time;
your leaves never fade or curl in the summer sun.
No matter what you do, you prosper.

 For those who focus on sin, the story is different.
They are like the fallen husk of wheat, tossed by an open wind, left deserted and alone.
In the end, the wicked will fall in judgment;
the guilty will be separated from the innocent.
 Their road suddenly will end in death,
yet the journey of the righteous has been charted by the Eternal.

At times, it seems like a tragedy with a side of heartbreak is around each bend. With what seemly endless negativity acknowledging the blessings around each turn can seem impossible. The negativity makes our view blurry. Take a few minutes to acknowledge the blessings in your life. Consider the blessings that you don’t generally “count”.

While studying the Bible or being connected with God in prayer avoiding sin can sound like a piece of cake. Yet once back into the world it is evident that this is not easy. Falling into sin can be second nature. We can only avoid sins highway and walk in the way of the righteous is only possible through the strength of Jesus.

My prayer is that each person reading this will become more rooted in Christ in this season of life. That you would drink so deeply and often of the Father’s Word that you would not run dry. Soaking up His goodness. I am confident that all you do within God’s will, will prosper beyond your wildest dreams. Your journey righteous sister has been charted compassionately by the Eternal.

Main points of this Psalm

  • The blessedness of the righteous man (1-3)
  • The desperation of the wicked (4-5)
  • A final contrast between their two ways (6)

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Lord,

All honor, glory, and praise belong to Your holy name. In Your name mountains are moved and seas parted. You are on the move in Mighty ways. Nature reflects Your beauty. The earth sings Your praises. You are beyond my understanding.

I am surrounded by your blessings no matter where I turn day or night. Freely You have lavished Your love on me. I praise Your name for who You are.

I am undeserving of all Your goodness. Give me the strength to battle my flesh and avoid sins highway. Let me resist sin in the powerful name of Jesus.

Your Word provides me with strength, guidance, and joy. Allow me to remain focused from dawn to dusk on Your precious Word. May I write on my heart. May my thoughts be consumed with You. Holy Spirit move within me. Let me be firmly planted in You. Let me prosper in Your name. Allow me to serve You and bring glory to Your name.

Amen

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I want to invite you, sweet friend to continue to dig into Psalm chapter one with me. I pray that you will sincerely cherish these living and active words. I am confident that the Lord will work within you during your time in the books of Psalm. I am excited to give you free print out a which will hopefully provide guidance as you study the Word of God. Please download, print, and share.  

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Silence So That…

Just a note before I begin, this post goes with the book Living So That By Wendy Blight and is specifically written for the online Bible study that I have the honor of assisting with.   With that being said, even if you are not in the study and have never read the book I strongly encourage that you read this post.

Are you going through the motions in your prayer life? I know life is super busy, your lucky that you have a few spare moments for a quiet time. We know that prayer is a dialog, not a monolog that we are so often tempted to have. We know from the Bible that God speaks to His people. He speaks to us in many ways such as dreams(Joseph), the Bible, other people(Moses spoke to Pharaoh) , an audible voice (Samuel or Moses), or a gentle nudge at the heart.

To sit with the Lord in prayer is powerful. Putting anxiety to rest and our chaotic thoughts to rest. Just being present in The Savior’s arms. Allow Him the chance to renew you. Allow Him the chance to speak to your heart.

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Around the time I was seventeen years old I had the privilege to travel to Taize. Taize is a retreat also known as a pilgrimage with over 5,000 teens and young adults from around the world held in France. This is where I encountered silence. This is where I encountered God’s nudge on my heart. This is where I encountered a deeper relationship with Christ. Worship was three times a day accompanied by eight minutes in silence.

Towards the end of my stay there, our Bible study leader asked us to spend an hour in silence. Let’s experiment and see what it’s like to spend an hour in silence.

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Just kidding! That never gets old. I know the look on your face was priceless. Anyways back to my story. After being told to go find a place to spend in silence, I ventured down to a place called the source. Its beauty is breathtaking. When you breathe in it’s as if you are breathing in peace and when you breath out along with the breath that escapes your lungs all your worries vanish too.

The time there flew by. That is where I let go of many things. Surrendering the future and letting go of the past.  Where God called me into ministry, though I am learning that word is used to describe so much more than pastoring. I cannot fully captive in words my experience with God in silence. The peace surpasses all understand. The joy is unthinkable.

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God speaks to us today. We need to have ears that hear and we must be intentional in seeking His voice. “Planned times of quiet and solitude are a good balance to a busy life. Cultivating a heart of prayer helps you see God’s perspective and to more fully experience His presence throughout the day.”

My challenge to you precious friend is for you to take two to five minutes of silence at least once this week. Silence is a break from the chaos of life, a chance to reconnect with God, and to worship Him in a new way.

His Faithfulness

The Lord is faithful even when you don’t feel Him near. He is with you. He is faithful even when your body betrays you. Providing strength. Teaching you to be dependent on Him. He is faithful, as the emotions run wild. He is faithful even when the doctors fail. When isolation traps you. When your world is falling apart.

The Lord is faithful in the smaller and bigger ways than you can imagine. His faithfulness surpasses all understanding. Great and beautiful is His unending faithfulness. He is our hope. Comfort. Provider.

Allow, Elohim God our creator to knit your heart to His. He will guide you on the path He designed especially for you before air kissed your lungs. Depend fully on Him. The storm will rage, but you have a secure and faithful anchor. Fear has no place. In Him, you have sweet victory. His faithfulness remains the same.

Rest

We live life in the fast lane; traveling full speed ahead. Over commitment boils over. We tango with multitasking racing to complete an over zealous achievement list. Our to-do list, family, friends, and much more scream for attention demanding more consistently, simpling depleting us physically, emotionally, and physically. Neglecting much we push forward running on empty. In addition, we feel like we might erupt from stress at any moment.

We need rest as desperately as we need our next breath. Not just physical rest but also emotional and spiritual. Time to reconnect in a meaningful way with our Abba (Our Heavenly Father). We need to be intentional about spending time rest in the Fathers arms. Not giving ourselves excuses about being too busy. Life goes smoother when we rest in the Father and connect with Him.

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Will you sweet friend come to our Jesus now? Don’t wait another moment. Unload all the burdens on your heart, keeping in mind that nothing is too big or too small for Him. Pour every sorrow, burden, and emotion out to Him. Sit quietly in His loving arms as He frees you from the burden and reminds you of His everlasting love. Whatever is burdening you, the Lord will walk through it with you through it won’t be easy, but He will provide for you every step.
He calls us, Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Put My yoke upon your shoulders—it might appear heavy at first, but it is perfectly fitted to your curves. Learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble of heart. When you are yoked to Me, your weary souls will find rest.  For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
He will give you rest and renew your soul. Pour out everything in prayer than allow Him to pour into you through His word, devotionals, other people, or simply by being in His precious presence.
Father,
We come to you emotionally spent and phsyically tired. Help us to unload our burdens to You in prayer. Renew our hearts. Fill us with Your comfort. Allow us to be yoked to you and to find our rest in you. Thank you for your love and for being our provider. Help us to grow closer to you each day. Amen

November

November whispers sweet melodies of autumn. As the crisp air begins to mingle with the aroma of chimes.  Fall fills the kitchen with apple and pumpkin treats as well as apple cider and tea. November is a month of thankfulness and preparation making the beginning of an extraordinary season.

I am praying for you this November. I am hoping you will find joy despite the pain, fatigue, frustration, and medical testing. Wishing you a low pain and symptom-free month.

May the sovereign Lord fill you with awareness of his mighty glory and love. May the Lord complete you as you construct your identity. He will reassemble the fragments of the past generating a stunning masterpiece. He will provide all you need in his flawless timing. Let your heart rejoice in him, O precious child of God.

I hope you make beautiful memories this November. I hope you accomplish any goals you set for yourself. That you are able to spend time with those you hold dear to your heart. Happy November! 

Psalms 32:7

“For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.” Psalms 32:7

There are days living in the Spoonie world is difficult. Thick anxiety is layered within. Fear of those two heavy words.. what if. There have been an abundance of moments on this journey where I wanted to hide. Like a timid child hidden from the melody of an intimidating thunder-storm.

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When we were children, we didn’t just hide out of fear. Hiding provided entertainment and excitement. The anticipation of being found remains unwavering. However addition positive emotions associated with hiding have melted with age. Negative slush traps us.

Hiding provides an escape. For even a moment I would like to escape the burdens of the Spoonie world; the doctors, medication, testing, emotions… the burden of being a spoonie.

This verse reminds us of our ideal hiding place, which is the Lord. In the mists of chaos and struggles we can crawl into the Lords compassionate arms. He is our hiding place. He is the source of all we need; our everything.

The Lord knows everything; his understanding is unhindered. He spares us from countless tragedies. He gently guides us through each storm.

There is a blissful victory in Jesus. He allows each moment of our lives to work together and bring Him glory. Though I may walk through the valley of the shadow of death melting from the negativity within I know somehow the Lord will receive glory. There are many things I do not understand. But I refuse to allow the burdens of the spoonie life to hinder my faith. Despite it all I will praise the Lord. With a heart of gratitude and wonder I will thank the Lord for my struggles. For he will receive glory and victory. Blessings are woven into this season. He will transform it into a master piece. It will be used for something beautiful.

“Nothing in your life has happened by chance. You are here exactly at this moment in history with exactly the circumstance you have encountered because God has a specific task he wants you to fill.”  The Lord has an astonishing purpose for your life. He will use every negative thing for good, to encourage others. Keep faith. When you cannot take another step, rest in the sovereign arms of God.

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Psalm 29:11

“The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.” Psalm 29:11

Allowing the words of this verse sink into my weary soul, I acknowledge Gods goodness. The Lord provides for me daily. Frequently, I get wrapped up in tasks that need to be accomplished and the businesses of life that I neglect to acknowledge all God has provided for me. God does more then provide for me physically (clothing, food, shelter, ect…) he also provides for me emotionally, as this verse points out strength and peace.

Strength and peace. These two things are something I am constantly in need of, being chronically ill. Most days, especially sense leaving the hospital, I feel as though strength has deserted me. Any movement devours what little strength I had. Physically, I feel burdened with weakness. Moment by moment I rely on the Lord for strength. Faithfully, he provides just enough every moment.

Anxiety is as plentiful as the grains of sand on the shore when an individual battles an illness. It is easy to become consumed with fear, stress, and to become overwhelmed. The what if’s invade the mind. Letting go and letting God – whole heartily trusting him- is easier said then done. To everyone’s suspirse, I am being blessed with a season of low anxiety. Logically the fact that my anxiety is almost non exisitant does not add up, but that is okay, I am grateful for the break. I have face many seasons in my life with more anxiety then I knew what to do with. A constant battle.

The Lord faithfully provides strength and peace to his children and it blesses us beyond our understanding. The Lord is the souce of all we need. He will continue to pour blessings into your life.

Father,

I praise you for your faithfulness and for every blessing in our lives. My heart overflows with gratitude for those who have taken the time to read this. You are the source of all we need. I ask that you would provide us with the strength and peace that we need to get through today. Thank you Lord.

Amen

A Caregivers Perspective. Part One.

Being a Mom of a Chronically Ill Child

Written By: Eileen Guyadeen

Being a caregiver of one who is chronically ill comes with countless challenges. Caring for an ill child is one of the most difficult things to do. Those who are ill rely completely on their caregivers. Being a caregiver can be a lonely, overwhelming, and blessed road. This post is to honor all caregivers, especially my own, my mother Eileen Guyadeen. Without her I would not be where I am today or who I am today. I could never express enough gratitude for all she has done for me.

-Victoria

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My daughter Victoria who writes this blog for chronic ill people, ask me if I would write something for it. I will start at the beginning, Victoria was born on my birthday which is January 28, 1994. She was a healthy baby at 6 lbs 8 oz. A blessing in every way possible, especially when my own doctor told me it will be nearly impossible for me because of myself having endometriosis, and like I told the doctor he is not God, and I truly believe with God all things are possible. My pregnancy went pretty well, listening to my doctor and doing whatever I needed to do to have a healthy child.

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Victoria was an active child by the time she was two and a half I had enrolled her in ballet classes, and she simply loved it too. She was small for her age and I kept her first ballet and taps shoes for my keepsake, because the dance teacher had a hard time finding things to fit her. She always loved playing outdoors all the time, during the summer she played in her pool, with her toys, and even loved reading outside all thru the beginning of her teenage years. In every way possible Victoria was always an active child. However over the years since she was a baby Victoria always seem to get a lot of viruses, doctor couldn’t always explain it to me why she did, always missing a lot of school. I remember by the time her ninth birthday rolled around she had a lot of stomach problems, she was out of school for three months, I finally started to record everything she ate and it was the diary that was making her so sick, so I cut it out from her diet. I spent plenty of times in the emergency room with her stomach problems never to know what was going on, and more important never an answer for what was going on.

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By the time she was in middle school when I took her to the doctor for the problem, her doctor thought she was trying to get out of going to school. I brought in her report card showing this child was an honor and high honor roll student, and loved being in school. Thru out high school my daughter’s health got worst, going thru five operations in four years. Her health got worst by the time she was a junior in high school that she was on homebound for school. By the time her senior year was about to start the principal of her high school share with us if Victoria miss more than ten days of school she would not be able to walk at her graduation. So with that statement Victoria ask me if she could Cyber School her senior year, and I agree that she could. She finished her senior year with 3.7 GPA, the night of her graduation it was very painful for her to walk at the ceremony, and I cried with her and said I know however you did it with honors in spite of your pain.

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Since Victoria graduated from high school things for her with her health has gotten worst. Doctors never can make up their minds for a treatment plan for her, it makes a person’s head spin. I have been ask so many times, how I do this with my daughter’s health. My answer to the question is my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. With everyone appointment rather a doctor appointment, a trip to urgent care, test, or even the emergency room, and hospital stay, I carry along with me my Bible, why because I begin to search the scriptures for God’s promises. In the book of Jeremiah 29:11 it says For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Victoria is a gift from God and I do believe that he loves her even more than her dad and I could ever love her.  Every time my daughter cries in pain, I say to her that God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, and I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13) we have cried together, as well as something more important which is to pray together. For God to give her the strength going thru this, as well as wisdom for her doctors, to see what He sees inside of her, because Jesus is the great physician. It is never easy, right before my daughter went off to college I had a meltdown. Yelling at God what did my daughter ever do to deserve this horrible disease, and then finally after I stop being angry at God, I heard a voice in my heart then why my son (Jesus Christ) in your place on the cross, I never ask that question again. I am always asking God for the strength thru all of this, we travel two hours each way to her doctors, and yes there has been many times I am total drain with running back and forth. I also have two other children to care for, which at times I feel as thro I have short change them thru this. I try to remember different things to get me thru, Stop, Drop, Kneel, and Pray, I have relied on God to get us thru this with my daughter. Jesus never promises anyone that once we accepted him as our own personnel savior, that our lives would be easy, he promises , surely I am with you always to the end of time (Matthew 28:20) I have seen my own personnel walk with Christ change for the better. I wanted to show Victoria, as well as my other two children, that life can become very hard for us at times, and thru those difficult time we need to run to the Lord, not away from him. Lean on Jesus and give him our burdens. In the gospel of Matthew 11:28 Jesus says these words Come to me, all you who are heavy burdened, and I will give your rest, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light. If anyone ever read the poems Footprints in the Sand, as you read these words it says, Lord you say that once I started to follow you, you would never leave me, so I don’t understand why was it at the difficult times I saw once one set of footprints, and the other times there were two. He replied my precious child during those hard times, it was then that I carried you. So I can picture during these hard times Jesus is carrying my daughter. Victoria is in the process of finishing her second year of college, in which she has been doing on line for a while. In thru all of her pain, doctors, test etc. Victoria has manage to be on the Dean’s list at Sussex County Community College, with a 4.0 GPA, as well as being inducted into the international honor society this past March. In the fall she will finish her BA degree at Centenary College which is not far from us, and then hopefully on to Drew University for her Master degree. Thru all of the medical problems that my daughter has gone thru so far, I have totally relied on my church family for prayer, as well as other family or friends, because pray to me is an essential tool we need to have with our daily walk with Christ. For me thru all of this I continue to walk with my Lord, with prayer, studying the scriptures and being involved in my church and just serving him. I continue to thank God for choosing me to be Victoria’s mom, I have been the one who has been bless. Yes it has been difficult with her disease, you see she has lupus which is an autoimmune disease, however it doesn’t define who she is and that is she is the daughter of the most high king Jesus Christ.

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My Faith

I’m fairly certain that I have mentioned my faith on my blog a couple of times, briefly. I have been a Christian nearly my entire life and my faith plays a big role in my life. I was saved at the early age of three years old in Sunday school.  People tell me from a young age I knew a lot about the Bible. I had an extremely close walk with God. I would tell my mom that God talked to my heart. I understood that prayer was a dialogue not a monologue. I understood the meaning of communion and a lot of Bible stories. I adored going to church, Sunday School, and Vacation Bible School. With all my heart I wished that Sunday School was five days a week and actual school was one day a week. Things made more sense to me at church and I fit in much better.  I counted down the years until I would be able to join the Youth Group. My favorite television shows included The Donut Man, Veggie Tales, Mrs. Charities  Dinner, and other shows on the Christian station. Outside of the American Girl Doll books every book I read had a Christian aspect to it. Despite the fact I was a shy girl, I was bold and confident in my faith growing up. I wasn’t afraid to speak up about it, even if that meant I did not have many friends and that kids would tease me. It was me and Jesus and that is all that mattered to me.

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Once my middle school years rolled around I overflowed with excitement because I was finally old enough to join the Youth Group. I was extremely involved in my church during my middle school and high school years. Anything and everything I could do, I did. I spent as much time as possible at church. During my middle school years in addition to Youth Group I volunteered at every function the church had, was in the bell choir, puppets, and attended every youth group meeting. I enthusiastically participated in 24 Hour Famine. Just before we broke our fast I grabbed my friend informing her I couldn’t see, then passed out. Once I woke up I wanted to know when the next famine was. Despite passing out I had a lot of fun.  I did not have many friends at school so I would bring my awesome looking Revolve Bible to lunch to read. (If you are a teen girl check out the Revolve Bibles! They look like magazines, are super cool, and have lots of epic things in addition to being a Bible.)

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Even though I struggled with my faith a bit in high school, it was still vital to me and I was just as involved in my church. I went on missions trips with the Youth Group and feel in love with mission work. I went on several retreats as well. I still adored reading. The Christy Miller series by Robin Jones Gunn impacted and changed my life. During my teenage years I battled some depression. It was difficult but in the end I became closer to God. I learned many valuable lessons through that chapter. Things changed in my home church, some ministries crumbled. I was on a committee and still volunteered frequently. I also helped run a retreat for five years. When I was sixteen years old I went to Taize France with the conference through my church. It was a pilgrimage and an indescribable experience.

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My dream had always been to go to a Christian college, which is what I did once I graduated high school. However that was not God’s plan for me. (Of course I was less then happy about it). The school I choose was three hours from home. I had high hopes for my health. I thought the doctors there would be the best and would help me feel better. But that was not the case. None of them wanted to help me and my health quickly declined. After finding blood in my urine over Thanksgiving break I had to stay home indefinite.  Having to come home was bitter sweet. I knew I had to do it yet I wanted to prove that I could be on my own. A lot had changed in my home church, as I mentioned before. As much as I loved everyone, I wanted a fresh start. Something different. But that’s not what God had in store for me.

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I have been back home for a little over a year now. Things have gotten better at my home church. The spiritual growing pains have eased and I am able to see how blessed I am to have my church family. My walk with God isn’t where I want it to be. There is always room to grow. I have learned to trust him in new ways. I know that He will guide me and provide for me everything I need. Though I don’t know what the future holds, God does. I am content where I am right now, waiting for His direction and learning.

God Bless. Sending lots of Spoons, prayers, and hugs ❤

Birthday

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My parents and I all have our Birthdays in January. What’s even more unique is my mom and I share a birthday, which is today January 28th. The first six years of my life I was an only child. I adore being a big sister, but I am grateful for the years I spent as an only child. I believe those years allowed me to develop a special bond with each of my parents. “You love your parents, but as you get to know them you fall in love with them.” I believe this quote is absolutely true. As a child, our parents are heros. As teenagers, we drift away from our parents. We are so consumed with our lives, we don’t take enough time to get to know our parents and cherish the small amount of time God lends them to us. I cherish the time I have with my parents.

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My mom and I have always been close. She is the reason I am who I am today. I couldn’t ask for a better mother. God has truly blessed me. She has been with me for every appointment, ER trip, urgent care trip, every test, and every surgery. She’s the one who calms me down when Prednisone makes me crazy or when I’m just overwhelmed with everything. She is a huge encouragement and the source of strength. I am blessed that she introduced me to the Lord and raise me in a church. I am blessed that my mother encouraged and allowed me to go on missions trips and retreats. She always encourages me to lean on the Lord and to find strength in him.

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I wish I could remember all the wonderful moments we shared together as I was growing up however my illnesses have impaired my memory. I cherish the few things I remember, the stories I am told of these moments, the home videos and countless pictures I have.

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I know my illness is extremely difficult for my mother, which is heartbreaking for me. She is an admirable woman. I can only strive to be half as amazing, compassionate, and loving as she is. The strength she has always leaves me in awe. She has overcome and given so much in her life. I God every day that He blessed me with my mother. Thank you is not enough for everything she has done for me. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Today, at 2:14 pm I turn 21 years old. I did not think I would see this day. There were many times I wondered if I would wake up in the morning or if the Lord would send his angles to carry me to his arms. I’m only 21, but I have fought for my life a number of times. There are a thousand reasons I should not be alive, but for whatever reason the Lord has allowed me to still be here. 

 Most people cannot wait for their 21st birthday, however I am not most people.As my birthday approached I began to dread it. Another year has passed, making me yet another year older. 21. I have never been a fan of getting older. For as long as I can remember I wanted to stay in toy land, to stay a child. For me growing up was something I dreaded and feared. Until recently I never understood why. Now I am beginning to understand this bazaar fear. The fear is rooted entangled with pain. I began have chronic pain around six years old. Continuously I have associated getting older with more chronic pain as well as my health becoming more complex.

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Though I’m not thrilled to be 21, I am grateful to be alive and to have another year. Today is a day to celebrate everything I have overcome, being alive, and what I have accomplished. While I was 20 I began my Facebook page, this blog, survived my Reclast experience, achieved a 4.0 GPA, and other various small accomplishments. I look forward with hope to what will unfold during my time as a 21 year old. I hope to achieve at least a 3.8 GPA, get my kidney stones to stop, stabilize my health, grow my blog, become closer to God, and be able to go away to college in the fall.

 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

I hope you have a terrific day, thank you for stopping by! Sending lots of spoons, hugs, and prayers ❤