Psalms Bible Study

    This summer I am leading a super laid-back women’s online Bible study. We are reading one Psalm a week during the summer. We would be honored if you dropped by now and then or read through this life changing book with us. This post will focus on a brief introduction to the book of Psalm. Additionally, there will be a little on chapter one.

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Introduction to The Book of Psalm

A place of comfort. A refuge of strength with a ray of hope. Words alive to be cherished and written on the heart. The book of Psalm. Regardless of how one feels or where there are in their live story or how mature they are as a Christan, there is a relatable Psalm. Truly a Psalm for everyone.

The history of Psalm is richly complex over the course of more than 800 years. The outline of what occurred historically around various Palms is interesting rhythm to check it out here. I want to point out a few of these events behind this book of the Bible. For example, David & Goliath, During the Babylonish captivity, On the rebuilding of the temple, and During the war with Absalom.

Furthermore, God used numerous individuals. A few authors include David, Moses, Asaph, Solomon, and others. In addition, there are orphan Psalms which we do not know who wrote them.

The book of Psalm is broken down into five books. The order is as follows: Book 1 (Psalms 1–41), Book 2 (42–72), Book 3 (73–89), Book 4 (90–106), and Book 5 (107–150). Needless to say, this is the longest book of the Bible.

How is a Psalm defined? It is a poem, song, act of worship, prayer, and praise. The Psalm embodies experience, expression, and emotion. Read more in depth about this outline here. The Psalms tend to fall into these genres hymn, lament, thanksgiving, confidence, Remembrance, wisdom, and kingship.

A book could be written on the purpose of this book of the Bible, in opening Matthew Henry shares the following:

To assist the exercises of natural religion, and to kindle in the souls of men those devout affections which we owe to God as our Creator, owner, ruler, and benefactor. The book of Job helps to prove our first principles of the divine perfections and providence; but this helps to improve them in prayers and praises, and professions of desire towards him, dependence on him, and an entire devotedness and resignation to him. Other parts of scripture show that God is infinitely above man, and his sovereign Lord; but this shows us that he may, notwithstanding, be conversed with by us sinful worms of the earth; and there are ways in which, if it be not our own fault, we may keep up communion with him in all the various conditions of human life.

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Now, let’s take a look at Psalm chapter one (The Voice Translation), which was written by King David:

God’s blessings follow you and await you at every turn:
when you don’t follow the advice of those who delight in wicked schemes,
When you avoid sin’s highway,
when judgment and sarcasm beckon you, but you refuse.
 For you, the Eternal’s Word is your happiness.
It is your focus—from dusk to dawn.
You are like a tree,
planted by flowing, cool streams of water that never run dry.
Your fruit ripens in its time;
your leaves never fade or curl in the summer sun.
No matter what you do, you prosper.

 For those who focus on sin, the story is different.
They are like the fallen husk of wheat, tossed by an open wind, left deserted and alone.
In the end, the wicked will fall in judgment;
the guilty will be separated from the innocent.
 Their road suddenly will end in death,
yet the journey of the righteous has been charted by the Eternal.

At times, it seems like a tragedy with a side of heartbreak is around each bend. With what seemly endless negativity acknowledging the blessings around each turn can seem impossible. The negativity makes our view blurry. Take a few minutes to acknowledge the blessings in your life. Consider the blessings that you don’t generally “count”.

While studying the Bible or being connected with God in prayer avoiding sin can sound like a piece of cake. Yet once back into the world it is evident that this is not easy. Falling into sin can be second nature. We can only avoid sins highway and walk in the way of the righteous is only possible through the strength of Jesus.

My prayer is that each person reading this will become more rooted in Christ in this season of life. That you would drink so deeply and often of the Father’s Word that you would not run dry. Soaking up His goodness. I am confident that all you do within God’s will, will prosper beyond your wildest dreams. Your journey righteous sister has been charted compassionately by the Eternal.

Main points of this Psalm

  • The blessedness of the righteous man (1-3)
  • The desperation of the wicked (4-5)
  • A final contrast between their two ways (6)

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Lord,

All honor, glory, and praise belong to Your holy name. In Your name mountains are moved and seas parted. You are on the move in Mighty ways. Nature reflects Your beauty. The earth sings Your praises. You are beyond my understanding.

I am surrounded by your blessings no matter where I turn day or night. Freely You have lavished Your love on me. I praise Your name for who You are.

I am undeserving of all Your goodness. Give me the strength to battle my flesh and avoid sins highway. Let me resist sin in the powerful name of Jesus.

Your Word provides me with strength, guidance, and joy. Allow me to remain focused from dawn to dusk on Your precious Word. May I write on my heart. May my thoughts be consumed with You. Holy Spirit move within me. Let me be firmly planted in You. Let me prosper in Your name. Allow me to serve You and bring glory to Your name.

Amen

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I want to invite you, sweet friend to continue to dig into Psalm chapter one with me. I pray that you will sincerely cherish these living and active words. I am confident that the Lord will work within you during your time in the books of Psalm. I am excited to give you free print out a which will hopefully provide guidance as you study the Word of God. Please download, print, and share.  

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A Mother’s Perspective: Chronic Illness

I am so excited for today’s post. We have a courageous mother of a daughter with several chronic illnesses. It has been an honor for me to speak with her briefly and to read a bit of their inspiring story. I hope you are encouraged. ~ Victoria

I am Kimberly, a full-time single mother, but more importantly mother of a teenager with chronic illnesses. EDS, POTS, MCAS.
Receiving a diagnosis is not a destination, but more so a journey.
Here is  a brief account of our journey to date:
It seems like yesterday on one hand and a lifetime on another. Three years ago during a rheumatology visit, unexpectedly during examination, the physician began piecing random dislocations, atrophic scars, fatigue, velvet skin, and overall illness into EDS. As he was identifying pieces, he stated this appears like Ehlers Danlos syndrome. I have worked in the medical field as therapist for 20 years and this was new to me. So like most, I instantly googled everything I could sitting there. I recall immediately being referred for blood work, Physical therapy, and cardiology that same day. Upon leaving his office I don’t think I will ever forget the look on his face. It was one of concern, sadness, and unknowing to me an awareness of a journey that was heading our way. As my daughter and I sat in cardiology she jokingly ask “so what do I have”? We proceed to laugh as she said EDS meaning explosive diarrhea syndrome. We laughed and I knew whatever it was we were going to conquer it.
As time progressed with additional falls and dislocations therapy ensued. It suddenly appeared dizziness and nausea were occurring. New referral and now POTS (Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) diagnosis added.

Ok, but now what about these strange rashes. Well, that lead to MCAS(Mast cell activation syndrome). A few other diagnosis came along being eosinophilic colitis and pineal brain cyst through testing. Most recently TMJ and cervical compression issues also noted.  If you have been through the diagnosis process you know it’s not so easy as picking up the phone and immediately obtaining a physician appointment. Some list were 3-6 months long with genetics 1 year. Then you add follow-up visits for a wide range of disciplines. It’s overwhelming and difficult to manage a ‘normal life’ whatever that even was.

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In gaining awareness of these disorders and living it daily I have found a new appreciation for anyone experiencing these. I have seen the suffering from physical pain, fatigue, and mental components from anxiety/depression that a teenager should not have to deal with it. Being a teen is hard enough, let alone adding a chronic illness. Yes, it’s a struggle. Do I still feel we  will conquer this….. no. We have accepted at this time there is no cure. We manage symptoms. Do I feel deflated…. yes. As a mother, I like most want to fix my children’s problem. I have found that being supportive and her biggest fan is the best I can do right now. I have listened to her requests to give her more control when she declines testing. I get it when she says “why should I it doesn’t change or fix anything”.
I want others to know it’s challenging as a parent, but it will be ok. You have to be prepared for sudden ER trips that will change your family plans, hoping that loud sound wasn’t a fall or passing out again, keeping a watchful eye for strange rashes, preparing for school IEP meetings, and wow what about that mediset. Goodness, the medications seriously is this all? Expecting a teenager to recall all these and learning to fill set herself…. What happened to driving, boyfriend, and social issues teenage parents have? They are still there, but different. Friends change, the real ones stay, but it does change. No one prepares you for this.
With all the losses you feel, I promise that if you embrace the journey and take the good with the bad it makes life better. I don’t know what the future holds, but I am hoping through advocacy and research more treatment options become available. I know joining a support group locally was one of the best things I did. Talking to people that have been where I am and offered supportive listening. I am forever grateful to them and blessed to have a wonderful family that help. Are there days when I’m mad… yes! I’m angry and scared. What happened to college based on interest, not physically accessible and near physicians in the area!
You as I have learned, having a chronic illness, is life alternating for everyone. I surely wish my daughter didn’t have it. However, she does and I intend to ride this journey with her and advocate to the best of my ability for her and others like her so that there is dignity, respect, and research to aid in hopes of a cure one day. This is my journey and hope for a final destination.
Chronically Hopefully,
Kimberly

2016 Major Moments

Another Christmas races through our lives. The season always slips by in a blink of an eye. Shortly after another year kisses us goodbye. This year is elegantly coming to a close and we are able to once more reflect on the moments which have shaped the year. Each year shapes our lives and our character. Each year we learn, grow, are filled with love and joy, and shed many tears.

This year began with a shaky start for me. A few short days after the new year, I was admitted to the hospital due to extreme pain levels. They admitted me to the surgery floor fearing my intestines collapsed or did something funky. I had two Gastros on my case who bickered back and forth accomplishing nothing. I meet another Gastro while admitted who became a permanent asset to my medical team. We tweaked my treatment plan.

My Ulcerative Colitis continued to flare. Sending me to the ER after over eight hours of vomiting. Steroid doses were up and down. At the same time, I began my first online Bible study. Featuring the book I Know His Name by Wendy Blight. I honestly, I little hope for learning anything from the study and went into it with some doubt due to bad experiences in the past. However, God deeply blessed me beyond my dreams. He used that study to change my life forever. Shortly after, I joined God-Living Girls a support group for women with chronic illness and chronic pain.

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Shortly after, I joined God-Living Girls a support group for women with chronic illness and chronic pain. I adore this support group. There are many thriving ministries online. I encourage women of all ages to check it out here God Living Girls.

 

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Sadie watching a sermon from our Online Chruch 

 

 

In April I was nominated for the Psychology honor society, better known as Psi Chi. Then in May I graduated with my Associate degree. Shortly after, I began leading Online Bible Study. In addition, assisting in online ministry.  I mainly assist in running two Bible Studies and do a Bible Study Live event about once a week.

I began pursuing my bachelor’s degree at Liberty University Online in August. I adore the online program here. To my surprise, I have thrived in the program beyond my dreams. I have access to tutoring, an advisor, and the library. Additionally, I began assisting with Sunday school at church. I teach the teens, however, if I don’t have kids, I assist with the little ones. They always have me laughing.

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My Gastro retired. So I began seeing another new Gastro. I am grateful this one is compassionate and well educated. We began paperwork for Remicade over the fall.

Then in October, I had another kidney infection along with stones. I also got to have a lovely weekend with my friend and visit Liberty. The trip to Liberty was one of the highlights of my year.

In November, I stopped 6 MP and began Remicade. A difficult transition. I have done two doses. It is an adjustment period.

December my friend and her family visited.(Another highlight!) While I was away with my friend I began thinking more about becoming more independent. I decided it was time to apply for a service dog.  I also got approval to move forward in the service dog process. I just began the process so I have a long way to go but it is progress and I am excited!

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Me And IBD

I am IBD Visible because I believe that awareness makes a difference. Education is key to living as healthy as possible. It is key to closing the gap between the healthy world and chronic illness world. Lastly, it is vital for those in the medical profession to gain a deeper understanding and compassion for us and strive for the best medical care. No matter how complex every person deserves the best medical care and to have manageable pain.

December 1st – 7th is Crohn’s & Colitis Awareness Week. The Chrons and Ulcerative Colitis Foundation says this overall about IBD: “Known collectively as inflammatory bowel diseases (IBD), Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis are painful, medically incurable diseases that attack the digestive system, causing abdominal pain, persistent diarrhea, rectal bleeding, fever, and weight loss. The effects of these diseases are largely invisible, which is why we need to make #IBDvisible!

Crohn’s disease may attack anywhere along the digestive tract, while ulcerative colitis inflames only the large intestine (colon). In addition to the impact on the GI tract, in some patients, IBD may also affect the joints, skin, bones, kidneys, liver, and eyes.”

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The pain began at age nine. Growing up, I frequently had stomach viruses. I had issues with being underweight, even though I was eating. I was told I was underweight because I was growing too quickly. The abdominal issues got worse about three years ago. I was unaware that I looked like a walking skeleton. In addition to the pain, I would have 15 -25 trips to the bathroom with diarrhea. I have encountered so many issues medically that it is a blur when some symptoms began. Eventually, I saw blood. It was a vicious cycle of medical testing and retesting. At one point in time, I swore I was done with the stomach stuff. Done seeing doctors. Done going through the tests.

Last April, I was in the I’m done state of mind when I encounter a huge flare. Of course, my mom brought me to the hospital. My liver enzymes were sky high. Despite the fact that I did not want to go through yet another colonoscopy one was ordered. I was positive for Ulcerative Colitis. The hospital doctors explained that they don’t see cases very often like mine. I have about five autoimmune diseases. I was in the hospital ten days. Despite their good efforts to avoid steroids, I ended up on a whopping 60 milligrams.

And so, the battle continued and continued to this day. I now have a gastro who I trust and like. One who listens, has compassion, trust me, and tells me everything I need to know. I struggle with eating daily. There is no set IBD diet. My current treatment plan consists of Prednisone, Balsalazide , and Remicade.

The journey with IBD is unique for everyone. If you are diagnosed with IBD I would like to encourage you to check out these links:Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation, Inflamed & Untamed, and Kelly Patricia.  CCFA has on its website: “We need to make IBD visible! Why be IBD visible? While IBD patients may look healthy internally they may be suffering. The toll IBD takes on the entire patient lies hidden underneath, significantly reducing public understanding of what IBD is and how it affects quality of life. YOU can change this by getting involved and sharing your stories, giving a face to these diseases.”

  • December 1: A focus on IBD advocacy.
  • December 2: The focus is how IBD is an invisible illness. The whole “but you don’t look sick,” thing.
  • December 3: The focus will be on pain.
  • December 4: The focus is on fatigue this day.
  • December 5: Mental health is the focus on this day.
  • December 6: Complications of IBD will be the focus of the day.
  • December 7: Community is the focus.

This week use the Twibbon to raise awareness. Share your story on social media. Use #IBDVisible. Share your story with the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation linked above for a chance to be featured on the web page.

 

Ulcerative Colitis Update

This flare began about a week ago. My liver enzymes are high again, though not nearly as bad as in the past. The theory is that this is from my immune system attacking it. The major difference is that this time I am still on 15 mg of prednisone, which I also refer to as my safety net. The pain has been extremely intense this weekend. With these flares, it feels like being hit by a bus I know it sounds dramatic, but the intensity is hard to describe. The main issue is the abdominal area. Evey joint hurts, my ears ache,I have the chills and nausea. Of course, the fatigue is 50x’s worse than normal.

My Gastro retired last month and that was heartbreaking. She was the first gastro I had trusted and had compassion. I saw the new gastro on Friday and it was nerve-racking, to say the least. I am not a fan of seeing new doctors because my case is complex. I was relieved that this doctor had listened, was up to date on my medical mess, had some compassion, and was ready to start something new.

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Most of you know that in addition to Lupus and POTS I have Ulcerative Colitis. Eating has been a struggle when the Prednisone is lower than 15 mg. Currently, I am on a combination of two anti-inflammatories, Prednisone, and Mercaptopurine (a chemo also known as 6mp). The goal for any chronic illness patient is to come off Prednisone. In my case dropping to 5 mg or coming off means going into the hospital. This is a common issue for people with a chronic illness. I know I am not alone in this struggle. #It’s A Spoonie Life! Thankfully, I have been blessed and have not suffered major side effects from Prednisone. 6MP is my second chemo. I am not a fan. I have had no improvement on it.

With all that being said I got the extremely exciting news that I do qualify for a biologic (which I knew). And of course, my new gastro feels it is time to begin the testing and paperwork. Testing include normal labs CBC, Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, and Hep Panels. In addition, TB testing is required. At the same time, insurance paperwork is started. I will be on Remicade. I will be writing a Remicade blog post soon!

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A huge thank you to everyone who participated in invisible illness awareness week! I was honored to be involved, but I wish I could have done more.

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This Is Chronic Illness

How the melody began of the symphony “the Spoonie Life” is unique to each of us. However, like a ton of bricks, the news crushed us emotionally, which no preparation could brace us for the sudden shift in song. Lumped into a group of over 125 million American’s who are in daily combat with their bodies due to chronic illness. After all, these are Invisible Illnesses.

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Adjusting to the new role. A list of things we can no longer do. Harsh comments as well as the stairs, seem to greet us everywhere. Friendships fade away. Symptoms and pain consume each day. Functioning seems nearly impossible. Daily medications. Frequent breaks. This is chronic illness.

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Well-meaning doctors increase anxiety levels. Medical testing is never ending.  No one seems to know what to do. At times our health is out of control and all we can do is ride the roller coaster and pray. Help seems just out of reach. This is chronic illness.

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Yet we cling to hope because our lives depend on it. Dreaming. We find that reason to keep fighting. This is chronic illness.

This week is Invisible Illness Awareness Week. A week to honor you and to give you a voice. To equip you to fight your battle a little better. Making the invisible visible. Making those around us more aware. Hopefully, others will understand the reality of chronic illness.

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My friend with an invisible illness, you are brave, diligent, and compassionate. You overcome  negativity.  You have battled your invisible illness gracefully. You are an inspiration. Don’t give up! You are beautiful. You have an amazing purpose and you are making a difference.

Lupus Awareness Day

Lupus awareness day posts never go how I would like. I always have this awesome vision, but then life happens school gets hectic and Lupus ruins my plans.

Happy Lupus Awareness Day! Get your purple on to show support and raise awareness. Lupus awareness day is about educating people about Lupus and also celebrating those who battle the illness daily with courage. We can only have a future with NO Lupus if we KNOW Lupus. A little education goes a long ways.

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It is hard to know what to say because Lupus affects every detail of my life and those around me. Everyone I know with Lupus has been affected in different ways, but one thing is the same this illness has changed our lives forever. We are not solely define by Lupus, but we are reminded and impacted by Lupus every second.

Our normal as young women with Lupus is very different from healthy young women. Personally, I don’t view my life as abnormal. It’s not until I talk with a healthy friend that I remember I need to adjust the way I talk and that they don’t understand the medical terms I’m using. Having friends with Lupus has given me a sense of normalcy. We laugh, talk, and swap stories like any other twenty-something-year-old.

What is it like to live with Lupus? The symptoms can be overwhelming. It is a lot to take in for a healthy person. It is difficult to explain. Every day is different. For me living with Lupus means joint pain, fatigue, and sun sensitivity daily. Often I have rashes or hives, bruises, headaches, bladder pain, chest pain, and hair loss. No two cases are the same. Lupus is complex, making it difficult for health care professionals, caregivers, the support system, and the person battling Lupus.  With Lupus, the autoimmune system can attack anything.

Take a moment today to learn something about Lupus or talk to someone who battles Lupus, you will be surprised how much you can learn.

Saying No

They tell you that you have rights as a patient. That you and your doctor are on the same level. That is not always reality. If you disagree many times a doctor will get upset. As paticents we are expected to do what we are told. Most times our options are not taken into consideration. Many doctors assume that we do not understand what is going on at all and that we are uneducated. If we know something, they are shocked questioning why we know it and how we got the information. No offense but in this day and age acquiring knowledge is simple- it’s called the internet.

I have gone through countless medical testing all with an optimistic attitude. I smile though all the pain and attempt to make jokes (of course most people don’t find me funny). I understand that people are doing their job and I am doing mine to the best of my ability. Of course I vent in the car or at home. I have always been submissive and respectful. Taking everything the doctor says into consideration, even if I disagree.

At times I have been a gunie pig. I have went through testing that could have been avoided. I understand that many times testing is needed but it is draining, costly, and time consuming. A face biopsy is where I draw the line. I had my first biopsy last fall. I still have not healed completely from it. It might sound vein but I do not want a dark ugly scar on the middle of my face. My body has endured many procedures. It has never truly had a break. From age fourteen to twenty one every few months, it has been something. I know it is important to take care of myself. I feel apart of that is allowing my body to have a break from any invasive test. A time for it to rest, recover, and heal from the combat.

It is not easy telling your doctor that you disagree with them. They hold the power to diagnose you and they dictate your treatment plan thus they have a lot of power over your life. With a proper diagnosis and treatment plan you can function and have a life, with out it…. It is a miserable road of endless resting and searching for answers.

‘Tis the for midterms, testing, and finals. Tests were never my favorite part of school. Testing has become more of  challenge because of my illness. Brain fog interrupts as well as symptoms. Ideal testing conditions rarely happen, but I have learned to work through it. I am going to share with you a few spoonie academic testing survival tips.

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Prior to the test gather as much information as you can about the test. The more information the better this way you can plan accordingly.  How many questions? What type of questions (multiple choice, essay, fill in the blank, ect…)  How long is the test? Are you able to retake the test? This question is outside of  the norm, but I have taken two math classes that allow the student to retake quizzes as many times as they want.

If you are receiving accommodations make  your professor is aware of this and applies them. I get extra time. However, none of my professor remember this. I always send out an e-mail before the first test reminding them of my accommodations.

Where are you testing? Do you need to schedule to test some where different? Most schools offer somewhere other than the classroom to take tests if you receive accommodations.This is a great option. When I tested in a different room I was by myself or with under five other people, therefore it is much quitter.

If you  are testing at home it is important to set up your testing space effectively. Personally, I test in my room. I usually aim to take my tests in the morning. If the test is open notes I spread out everything I need. Of course I have additional material such as a calculator or text book or paper and pens near by.

I have my just in medication which includes my tachycardia medication, nausea medication, Tylenol, and my inhaler. I always have a minim of two drinks; hot tea and water. If you have POTS consider having Gatorade on hand.

For longer tests I have a snack on hand. My heating pad is never far away. I set everything up at my dresser (more or less it is my second desk). I am able to put my feet up on another chair if needed. I am able to sit on the floor or my bed. I also get up and walk around during my test because of back pain. Depending on the test and pain levels I either walk a few feet to my door or down stairs to my kitchen. Walking around helps relive some pain and helps lift some of the brain fog.

I always wear compression stocking. Comfortable clothing. I also have a sweat shirt and blanket near by. Testing at home allows me to control the temperature in the room which effects POTS symptoms.

If symptoms get intense know what to do. If you pass out, once you are stable who can you call and inform about what happened? Or if you end up ‘locked’ in the bathroom because of IBD (or another illness).

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I still have not come close to mastering any skills that assist with brain fog and testing. Please comment any ideas!

My Invisible Fight

If you know me, you know I am chronically ill. My illness does not define who I am but it is a part of me. I look at as a trait not necessarily positive or negative. Like having brow hair, an oval face, or having dimples. My invisible fight. Words that empower. Words that inspire. Words that sum up my life over the past few years.

Without a doubt I have become a fighter, in this invisible fight. Few people know the details of my fight. Chronic illness is much more than what is seen on the surface. The battle is within. Falling apart only behind closed doors.

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I had many encounters with terrible doctors. No one took me seriously (I still struggle with this today). Doctors downplayed any concerns. My mom was my advocate, my voice. Growing up I was dangerously shy. If someone were to look at me crossed I would shrink back into my shell. Hearing my middle name released a waterfall of tears. Speaking up, was terrifying for me. Gradually I began to find my voice and become my own advocate. I have educated myself on treatment options, my illnesses, and everything medical that is relevant. I have learned that I know my body and my illnesses better than any doctor. After all I am the one who lives with it every moment of every day.  I fought to find my voice. My mom and I fought to find good doctors.

My health began to spin out of control in high school. It became evident that something was really wrong. Little by little new symptoms would develop. A new rash, unbearable pain, sun sensitivity, collapsing, weight loss, hair loss, and that was only the beginning. Medical testing became the norm of my life. Blood work that included more than thirty tubes of blood, MRIs, x-rays, GI studies, CATSCANS, scopes, EKGs, EEGS, and other medical tests that I cannot recall the names to. In addition, I had five operations in high school. The operations ranged from removing my tonsils to removing cysts to explority surgery.I thought I had hit rock bottom my junior year of high school, after an encounter with a medication that caused seizures. Little did I know rock bottom was much further down. Little did I know that I would long to go back to those high school years and deal with that pain and those symptoms.

I felt like the pause button has been hit one too many times. I have been home bound many times over the past six or so years. Every time play was hit and I began to recover, get stronger, and move forward pause would be hit yet again. It seems like each time my life is put on pause gets longer and finding the play button becomes more difficult. 

My invisible fight was taken to a new level in college first due to pluricy. Then to finding bloody urine that indicated a sever double kidney infection lasting four months. I was taken off my Lupus medication which gave Lupus permission to recklessly attack. I began seeing doctors every few days, had medical testing weekly, and became a regular at urgent care. I landed myself in the cardic unit last September. I continued to get worse. More testing. More doctors. More pain. Hopeless.

My symptoms shifted. My abdomen began to give me issues again. This time it was worse. Abdominal swelling to the point of looking at least six months pregnant was my newest symptom.  I began to question how much more my body could take. How many more days of intense pain that sent me to bed screaming and doubling over. I was taped. Giving in to the fight was tempting. No one had answers. No one knew what to do.

Things were terrible. Eating was difficult and staying hydrated was nearly impossible. The fatigue was thick yet my body wouldn’t surrender to sleep. I had to rest going up or down the stairs. Breathing was a chore. Shower a hazard. Daily tasks seemed like huge projects. Some days I couldn’t bend down to put on my own socks.

Finally it happened. This past April, I hit rock bottom. I could barely move. The pain and fatigue were more intense than I can describe. I was admitted to the hospital for ten days. https://chronicallyhopeful2014.wordpress.com/2015/05/02/hospitalization/

Looking back I believe that being admitted was the best thing for my health overall. I was at rock bottom. It was more difficult to keep moving forward than I can describe.

When I received the message on Chronically Hopeful inviting me to help and participate in Invisible Illness Awareness week I was shocked and over joyed. I firmly believe that sharing our invisible fight stories is vital. Someone had shared the fight song. I immediately connected with it and shortly after fell in love with the lyrics. I feel like that is where I am in my invisible fight, taking back my life. Taking back life after dramatic pauses is difficult. At times it is painfully slow. Progress seems invisible.  Taking back my life and continuing to fight is a daily decision and struggle. I am mastering a new balance act with my invisible fight and the rest of my life.

My invisible fight has probably been the most difficult fight of my life. I know it will continue to be a tough fight. It has caused me physical pain, heartbreak, taken me on an emotional roller coaster, played tug a war with my faith, caused me to lose friends, and lose much more. Yes, there are countless negative attributions of my invisible fight, but I am sincerely and deeply grateful to be in this fight. First of all I am grateful because I believe that God will use my invisible fight for his glory. Through my invisible fight I have matured as a person and as a Christian. I have learned so much. I have meet some of the most inspiring people. I have had the honor of running Chronically Hopeful and helping with the Invisible Illness Awareness Campaign. My prayer is that my invisible fight will be a testomy, inspiration, and blessing to others.