Pour Out Your Heart

It is never ending. The symptoms. The pain. The frustration, anxiety, and tears. The fatigue. The new diagnosis. Life dramatically changes when you learn you have a chronic illness. Things become devastating when you keep adding to that list.

It is bittersweet. One is thankful to know what is going on and that there is a logical explanation to the maddest within their body. Yet on the other hand, one may question, how can so many things be wrong with my body.

It becomes more challenging when no one offers a full treatment plan. A few medications may help, some, yet it is not nearly enough. The pain becomes so intense one questions if they are dying. More frustrating when someone cannot function and sees no way out. There is no independence. Living at your own risk.

Yes, positive thinking is an asset and it is fundamental. In contrast, shutting off all “negative” emotions will do no good. Sometimes we need to allow our selves to get frustrated, upset, admit it is too much, admit we are scared, anxious, or feeling hopeless in the moment.

For a very long time, I handled my chronic illnesses emotionally “too well” to some. I wasn’t scared or anxious or depressed. My doctor at the time felt I should be unstable and offered me anxiety or depression medications which I refused. I knew it was God’s grace which I would embrace until the season ended.

Now, three years later, I am more emotional and grieving my losses from chronic illness more. Not clinically depressed or anxious, just emotional more than I would like. It is a challenge for me, like many others, to allow myself to feel hopeless, anxious, or scared. I feel the need to be super woman. To handle everything perfectly according to an unrealistic worldly perspective. Feeling like I never measure up.

No where in the Bible does it say that a saved individual will handle every problem with no struggles or negative emotions and of course it doesn’t say we will handle it perfectly. Take a look at the Psalms to see how David shared his raw emotions with Christ. Christ meets us in the struggles. “For the Eternal will be a shelter for those who know misery,
 a refuge during troubling times. Those who know Your name will rely on You, for You, O Eternal One, have not abandoned those who search for You” Psalm 9:9-10. He holds us during the unbearable pain. He wants us to pour our hearts out to Him and to share the intense emotions. He encourages us to be transparent. He is okay with us saying that we feel it’s unfair, we are frustrated, angry, or scared.

Christ meets us where we are in the middle of the mess, the emotions, and pain. Psalms 34: 4- 5 says, “God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious fears.  Look at him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from him”(MSG). He holds us in His arms when life is too much to deal with. Endlessly He pours out grace in the tragedies. He wants us to trust Him in the difficulties. Gently, He will guide us and provide moment by moment.

Lord,

I lift Your name on high. Thank You for knowing me better than I know myself. For allowing me to be completely honest with You. You understand my sorrow, anxiety, and pain. You understand my thoughts and emotions better than I do. Help me to invite You into my pain and to pour my heart out to You without holding anything back. May I never hide anything from You. You are my refuge. I trust in You. Provide all I need. Help me to live life abundantly. Let each moment of my life bring honor, glory, and praise to Your name.

Amen

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Praise God for His Faithfulness

 

“How enduring is God’s loyal love; the Eternal has inexhaustible compassion. Here they are, every morning, new! Your faithfulness, God, is as broad as the day.” Lamentations 3:22-23

Yahweh,

You are faithful even when I don’t feel You near. You are always with me. You are faithful even when my body or mind betrays me. When those I love reject me. You provide strength. Teaching me to be dependent on You. You are faithful, as the emotions run wild. Faithful even when the doctors fail. When isolation traps me. When my world is falling apart.

Lord Jesus, You are faithful in the smaller and bigger ways than I can imagine. Your faithfulness surpasses all understanding. Great and beautiful is Your unending faithfulness. You are my hope. Comfort. Provider.

Elohim God my creator knit my heart to Your. Guide me on the path You designed especially for you before air kissed my lungs. I am Depend fully on You. The storm will rage, but I have a secure and faithful anchor. Fear has no place. In You, I have sweet victory. Your faithfulness remains the same.

Amen

A New Year Prayer

 

Holy, Holy is the Lord Worthy to be praised, Yahweh

 

“God is ready to overwhelm you with more blessings than you could ever imagine so that you’ll always be taken care of in every way and you’ll have more than enough to share.” 2 Corinthians 9:8 The Voice Translation 

 

Sovereign Lord,

With artistic compassion and mystery beyond human understanding, You crafted the universe. Logic, abstract thinking, and science bow to Your name. Each compliment You bringing glory to Your Holy name. You gave each atom a specific job to fasten Your creation together. You keep the universe together day and night. Painting the daily breathtaking sunrise. The details are important to You. Each plant, animal, and human has a distinct purpose. The wonders of the world belong to You. Every element bows at Your great name. What a powerful name is the name of Jesus!

You have been gracious in allowing me to live another year. I ask that You would transform my heart in this year. I desire to pursue You like never before, to be lost in Your love. Let me be so in love with You that my thoughts are consumed by You and Your goodness. Enable me to crave Your Word as daily bread, furthermore, let me cherish it. May I remain anchored in You. Set my soul on fire like never before. Renew my prayer life. Let me grow closer to You, Father, God. Open doors so that I may serve You in a new way.

I ask that I might find favor in  Your eyes. Motivate me in accordance to Your will. Let all I do bring honor and glory to You. Give me wisdom and understanding. Direct each breath I take in Your Holy name Yahweh. Help me to walk in obedience. Cultivate a heart of thanksgiving and praise.

I declare in the name of Jesus that the blessing ahead is better than the battle behind. I am confident that the wounds that I have endured will not hinder me but will be a window that Christ strength is made known. Though I may not understand it, each wound will bring glory to Your name.

Amen

“And I come, eager to offer a sacrifice of gratitude and call on the name of the Eternal.” Psalm 116:17

 

 

“I give thanks, for all You have done. And I will sing, of Your mercy and Your love. Your love is unfailing. Lord, I am grateful”

The Spirit In Me: Online Church

Online women’s ministry has been a part of my life for a while now. It has opened many doors that allow me to serve Christ even though I am limited physically. I have seen it change lives of many women from all walks of life.

I am excited to share an online church group which I am sure you will

“We are a ministry dedicated to provided church and prayer specifically for people like you with chronic illness and your loved ones as well as people who just need more of Jesus. If you know people who are hurting, who are unable or afraid to go to church, this could be for them. Please share with others!

I have been providing this to people for two years now, and have been receiving requests to copy church into other groups. This makes it a available to everyone, but gives privacy and respect, by keeping it exclusive.

We are unusual as we do not have “live” church, but have a series of posts, that center around the themes of the sermon and devotion, along with opening worship. Everything is designed to be meaningful and encouraging, without being legalistic or judging. Our God is one of mercy, grace and abounding love, and we come to worship and be fed.

So scroll down, soak it up, you can come and go as you please. Feel free to comment and share as you are led. Please keep in mind that for some, this is the only church type interaction they are getting. We are so blessed to have you with us!” – Kim

This ministry was founded specifically for those with chronic illness and your loved ones. We are expanding it and it is open to all who would like to join; those who have a mental illness, single mamas, those feel broken at times, want more time with Jesus, or want more fellowship. This is a ministry of Renewed Minds Online and Chronically Hopeful and will be open all week. We would be honored if you would join us!

A Prayer for a Life of Thanksgiving

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“How good it is to give thanks to the Eternal and to praise Your name with song, O Most High;  To speak of Your unfailing love in the morning and rehearse Your faithfulness as night begins to fall.” Psalm 91:1-2

Lord,

I adore You, how I love You. Cherishing who you are I offer worship from the depths of my soul to You. I treasure Your living  Word. Your beauty surpasses all words. Magnificent creator. Author of Salvation, through Your sacrifice beyond human comprehension You have brought me by Your blood, calling me Your beloved child. In You I  have everlasting life. You constantly poured out countless gifts beyond what I deserve, furthermore, far beyond what I deserve. All honor, glory, power, and praise belong to You now and forever more. Blessed be Your glorious name.

The to-do list dictates my time. My emotions wildly running dictate my reactions. My pain dictates my thoughts. I hurry- thought scattered- overwhelmed-depleted. Senselessly rushing another day without ever savoring a moment. Neglecting the gifts you have bestowed on me; I take so much for granted. I do not understand the depths of each gift and many I cannot see. Lord Jesus, have mercy. Forgive my ungrateful heart and lavish on me Your stunning grace.

Thank you from the depths of my soul for providing for me. I praise You for my relationship with You, Your Word, and Your character. Thank You for creatively and compassionately knitting me together and for the purpose You formed me for.  I praise You for this season of life. Thank you for investing in me, loving me, and forgiving me. I praise You for the blessings I neglect to see, those I am unable to understand, and the ones I have acknowledged, though not enough.

Enable me to slow down… to pause and reflect on Your goodness. Help me to recognize and say thank you for a few gifts. Fill me with thanksgiving every moment of every day. Let me live by Jesus’ example offering a gift of thanksgiving to You in the midst of unspeakable pain. Allow my thanksgiving to bring glory to Your holy name.

Amen

Rebellious Worship

Rebellious worship, those words don’t seem to fit together. Except for, of course, in my case. I find it necessary as the Holy Spirit moves me to be rebellious in my worship.

You see, I have several chronic illnesses, one of which is Hyperadrenergic Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. Professionals are advising individuals with POTS to avoid singing. Generally speaking, I follow advice to a T. However, there are times in worship, I am rebellious. Personally, singing allows me to connect with God and worship Him in an extraordinary manner.

Worship is more than a song, therefore there are many alternative ways to worship God. No one style is better than another. Never the less, music holds a special place in worship. Perhaps this is because many admirable Christians worshiped this way; such as King David, Mary the Mother of Jesus, and Jesus.

I have been singing praises to God for as long as I can remember. Some of the times I had been most filled with Christ joy was during worshiping Him through singing. I have many lovely memories, which I cherish, singing praises to the Lord with friends as an adolescent.

It is a struggle for me today to sing most times. It is hard to get adequate air to reach certain notes or to get enough air when rests are scarce. At times, I have a dizzy spell. The focus though isn’t my physical limitations, but the righteousness of my Lord. The physical combat, for me, is no reason to stop singing praises to God. I believe He knows my heart and the struggle I endure. I also know without a doubt that my worship is pleasing to Him.

Giveaway

Prayer should be as natural as breathing to the maturing Christian. The principle is so simple yet we complicate it and allow ourselves to become intimidated. Prayer is a stunning way to intimately connect with Christ. Nothing in the world can replace it.

There are plenty of excused not to pray yet none truly valid. We do not need more than a few seconds, an education is unnecessary, and you cannot do it wrong.

At times, we hit a roadblock in our prayer lives, which simply could be from maturing. You wouldn’t expect a toddler to live on only milk, similarly, as a maturing believer, you may need to find a way to go deeper. You might need to renew it.

I am passionate about prayer furthermore, teaching others about it. I believe it is something we never cease learning about. A few months ago it was mentioned several times that I should write another book. Someone soon added to the suggestion that it should be a prayer book. After praying I was certain that this was the direction God wanted me to go for my next book, “Honest Moments With God: Thirty Days of Prayers That Allow You to Grow Closer to God’s Heart.”

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Thirty days of beautiful and unique Scripture-based prayers. Each prayer is complimented with Scriptures that enable you to grow closer to Christ. Also includes five devotionals, a worship playlist, and fifteen Scriptures to inspire you to write your own prayers. I am confident that God will use this small book to do amazing things and to bring His name glory.

“My soul is dry and thirsts for You, True God, as a deer thirsts for water. Why am I so overwrought, Why am I so disturbed? Why can’t I just hope in God? Despite all my emotions, I will believe and praise the One who saves me, my God.” Psalm 42:1 & 11

God,

Increase our soul’s thirst for You, the Living God. You have seen the tears cried behind closed doors. The ones in the dead of night. You understand the heartbreak of shattered dreams. The depth of the effects of broken relationships.

People mock me and question my faith. Asking where You are in my time of need. They question Your goodness. Question how You could allow suffering. I will remain unshaken, firm in Your promises.

Help me in this holy time, at Your feet, to pour my soul out to You. Enable me to be transparent. I surrender every burden, fear, question, and emotion. Empty me of myself. Free me from all the clutter in my heart and mind. Consume me with Your Spirit.

Direct me in Your precious love. Renew my hope day by day. You are my mighty protector. I rejoice in Your sovereign name. I have witnesses Your goodness all the days of my life. I extol Your Majestic name.

Amen

I thought that it would be fun to do a giveaway! The winner will receive a PDF copy of my book “Honest Moments With God: Thirty Days of Prayers That Allow You to Grow Closer to God’s Heart.”

Entering is super easy. Pick a question/prompt from the list below and respond in the comments. Don’t forget to share with your friends, the more the merrier. The winner will  be announced September 28th, 2017.

 

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